emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Between March 2008 and March 2009

in airplanes, assorted rental cars, and a big blue van that's cheating death

I visited:
Spokane, Seattle, Portland, the Oregon coast, Vancouver, Chicago (twice), Thunder Bay, several "Up North"s, Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Detroit, NYC, Danbury, CT, New Hampshire, Massachusetts, San Jose, San Francisco, Santa Cruz, Lincoln (like six times), Clive, IA, Kansas City, Oklahoma City, Dallas, and Austin

of 24 places, i'd only been to 5 before.

not bad. not bad at all.

posted by renee 8:09 PM

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

squinting into austin springtime
with fear of sunburn occasionally rising to the surface of my consciousness
increasing demands on all five senses
are sufficient to overwhelm the always otherwise picking apart
i do, of things

instead i find a challenge
in sorting through the music (see: humanity) pouring out
over every doorstep
on sixth street
and attempting to identify the who where why of my fellow wanderers
each conversation is as if with some strange species from an alternate universe
and i soak it up with no mental filter (crazy, mister, you are just crazy)
this strange mecca, or non-mecca
a cartoon version of its own self
filled with two dimensional people
mouths moving jerkily
weighing nothing

trudging through the tundra
after my ill advised toosoon northern migration
should feel familiar

but the approach to the same old door
is as surreal as the rest of it
for its filled-out-ness
its picked-apart-ness
its understand-able-ness

reminds me of the time i cried
after airplane wheels touched ground in america
when i realized
that i could understand all the words
echoing off terminal walls plastered in ads
in english

the most dangerous time
is the collision
of reality
and its exceptions
for the way you relearn
what it feels like to understand
and what pieces you remember and forget

i want to remember
fireworks on a river, reflected on glass buildings
behind a band with a too-appropriate name
twinkling and roaring
and the odyssey toward it, droves of locals, tour hard musicians, hipsters with cash

i want to remember crazy pachyderm rv breakfast
and the strange non-allure of hare krishna
despite the beauty of the prophet

i want to remember
opening the door to my mother's kitchen
to see nine of my musical comrades camped out on the living room floor
as if it wasn't an oxymoron

i wouldn't mind forgetting
the large and sweaty flannel shirted fan of echo and the bunnymen
although, i would remember how he laughed
and how the people around me laughed
when i told him he shouldn't sing along
and he knew it was true

i managed to avoid sunburn
but the rest of it, a pile of stones to be turned over
picked apart
is going to take awhile to work back into
this place i so far call "reality"

posted by renee 11:01 PM

Thursday, March 12, 2009

i cannot believe it took me this long to play with garage band.
today, which should have been productive in other ways, instead consisted solely of jumping headfirst into pandora's box.

alarming. i may never come back.

were i to unleash
the furious fury of
my uninhibited
whole heart's love

i have no doubt you would run
so i'll lock it away
keep it out of the sun
keep you safe

i doubt i can sustain it
it's trouble to contain it
it's bursting
it's too much it's too much it's too much

+ 2 cello plucking lines and 3 of me

i'm giddy :-) :-) :-)

posted by renee 4:49 PM

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

my eyeballs are lead
pressure pressure
it's a good thing i love regression so incredibly much, or i would be probably crying. i need sleep so bad. but man. had the opportunity to spread the joy of my knowledge of H-lookup and format painter to some first-years. and then, upon the discovery of first order positive serial correlation in the relationship between GDP and stock market valuation? a tiny little trick, E-5 kind of tiny, i DEMOLISHED it. math rules so hard.

posted by renee 10:48 PM

something that was in my notes from regression today, which accidentally made a poem:


How do you find it?
----With your eyeballs
--------In the mysterious dimension “z”

it is annoying that this publishing software does not understand that maybe i INTENTIONALLY put several spaces in a row for poetic effect in the absence of the option of tabs. thus, dashes where i'd prefer empty space.

and: www.christianfaur.com, please. math + art

posted by renee 12:40 AM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!