emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

***cut and pasted from a long time ago, still not accomplished***

hopes, in summary, for the purpose of clearing my head:

that i will like my body (this might mean changes on the outside or inside or both)
that i will be pleased with my consumption/exercising habits
that i will become more disciplined
that i will live within a reasonable budget (to be created)
that i will work hard at the office and at home, but be careful about my motives
that my life will be organized and my home will be organized
that i will be an adventurous and frequent cook (ricotta cheese, anyone?)
that i will be true to my heart while obedient to my reasonableness
that i will love with abandon
that i will be loved with abandon
that i will be a mother, wife, sister, daughter, granddaughter and friend who shows that she is secure in love by how she shares herself with the people around her
that i will travel and keep perspective on the world while at home
that i will not live timidly or so practically that i miss out on important things
that my back will feel better, thanks both to diligence on my end and expertise on my chiropractor's end
that music will always be a part of my life and that i wouldn't give up on using it to get thoughts out of my head and into the air
that i would ask good questions and compliment often and not worry about how often i'm asked good questions or complimented
that i would one day be free from this simultaneous self criticism and pride....

***so that's something honest. i wonder if those are okay feelings to have or not. but i have them and they're true, so at least i think that's a good place to start.***

posted by renee 10:32 AM

dear life,

just hit me right in the face, please. it would be better than this.


renee, princess of melodrama

p.s. it's going to be okay because i only work here for 17.5 more days.

posted by renee 9:42 AM

Wednesday, July 25, 2007


now is the time for a poll. i need a new laptop before school starts because my 6 year old gateway takes 20 minutes to load windows and despite buying some sort of crazy lubricant made out of real silver, the fan still runs all the time....

so the question now is what to get. i want it to be light, get me on the internet, but not get viruses, be quick, store all my music, i need ms word, and no crashing.

i'd get a mac if i could get one with a screen bigger than 13" for $800 and slash out 1/3 of the features i won't use (i am not a cinematographer). i am still leaning toward that choice even though my stipulations are impossible.

keep in mind i drive a black honda civic with darkly tinted windows and a spoiler. that says a lot more about me than i'd like.....

words of wisdom, anyone? ken chao, are you out there?

posted by renee 11:15 AM

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

so our drummer dumped us again.

get dumped once, shame on him.

get dumped twice, shame on us.

anybody know anyone who likes to bang on things, has several thousand dollars to spare and nothing to do on wednesday nights or weekends for the next few months?


posted by renee 11:13 AM

Monday, July 23, 2007

i am going to read all 7 harry potter books for the first time, right in a row, before school starts and i am forced into reading only serious things.

however, i am learning from harry potter as well.

Lesson from Book #1:

if you are a bad guy, and you're feeling like you're about to defeat the good guy, it is easy to begin feeling a bit arrogant. warning: this can lead to foolhardy excess when it comes to the opening of one's yap. do not a) tell your intended victim your whole master plan, b) reveal the identity of the evil genius behind it, c) delay the killing in order to bask in your foe's fear. he is trying to think of a way to defeat you while you are letting your guard down and giving him all the information he needs to foil the whole plot after you're out of the way. it isn't over til he's dead. and if he's a wizard, sometimes not even then.

*note to evil geniuses - either get your lackeys some therapy or have a screening first to determine if they are in need of an extraordinary amount of approval/respect. because they won't be getting it from you, the chances of them seeking it out from opponents by blathering secret genius strategies is a significant risk.

posted by renee 9:20 AM

Saturday, July 21, 2007

the thing i broke? i prayed that guitar center would have one, which of course they wouldn't and it would be a special order and would certainly not be available immediately.

except that it turned out that someone else special ordered it already and it had just come in, and he happens to be out of town, so they're just ordering him another one and i got his.

seriously. thanks, God.

also: being in your 20s is strange, because there are all these milestones that loom in front of you and some people manage to meet all of them, and some people meet none of them, but most of us sit somewhere in the middle and watch our friends graduate from college, buy houses and get married and have babies, often in rapid succession, and it's easy to start feeling behind the curve. but the folks who have all those things aren't necessarily feeling "comfortable with their lives" as my dirty-drug-addicted-music-venue-floor-sweeping-ex-coworker micah once put it.

i'd rather be comfortable with my life than married. it's good to know that on a day you'll be attending a wedding without a date :-)

posted by renee 3:55 PM

Friday, July 20, 2007

i hate it when i break something that is very important to someone else.

posted by renee 9:37 AM

Friday, July 13, 2007

ah - and i dare not forget:

thomas built the wall show

sunday, 7/15/07, 6:00 pm

dinkytowner 412 1/2 14th Ave SE (right by campus, up from the loring)

$3 (what a steal!)

the opening band is going to be TERRIBLE! oh well. i'm going to play my bass for the first time live.... whoop whoop!

posted by renee 10:22 AM

when i am lazy with blogging it is almost always because i have too much to say or at least too many partial things to say and no capacity to sort them.

so yesterday i wanted to write a quote about a man who is getting some attention from a girl and considers telling her how little money he makes immediately as she assumes him to be rich and he is not that interested. he decides against it as she is "a confection" and he enjoys being beamed at by big blue eyes.

i read it and was irritated as i feel this sentiment is shared by the large majority of men and maybe one in particular. then i realized that women are guilty of the complimentary sin - allowing themselves to be admired and even offering admiration when they have positively no intention of following through.

we are a cruel race, we humans....

and then also, i bought a bicycle.

plus, have i mentioned that my roommates are absolutely fantastic? and also abby and lisa.

oh, and it is really fun to wear someone else's shoes that are too big for you.

posted by renee 9:56 AM

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

today we had a staff meeting.

first, they had everyone stand against the wall and count off by fours. then we sat at the table that had a picture of a rocket ship with our number. then at each table, we picked a "leader," a "timekeeper," and a "reporter." the reporter got a giant sheet of newsprint and a marker. the "leader" got a headband with two springs on it. the springs had stars on the ends with multicolored streamers coming down. the headband looked especially funny on richard, who is bald.

then the facilitator told us that we were aliens and she was queen of the aliens. then she told us that we were traveling through space, visiting all the planets. next we would be visiting earth. then she said we got to earth and visited the metro hra and collected items and took photographs. the leader of each table (or "pod") then got a bag of items that was the same color as the rocket ship picture on their table. then we got to look at the pictures in the bag. the pictures were of us working at our office. we looked at the pictures as if we were aliens and we wrote down answers to questions they gave us on our giant piece of paper. the questions were about if the "life forms" in the pictures looked welcoming and if they were diverse and what seemed important to them and who their leaders were.

my table determined that the less hair you have, the more power you have. we put a picture of richard on our paper as a visual aid.

then we all taped our papers up on the wall. the leader in each group chose someone to read their answers and the leader gave that person the streamer headband to wear while they were talking.

then we had a huge argument about low morale and decided that to make it better, we need a fish tank and more pictures on the walls.

then everyone was scowling and the meeting was over.

and that is what i did this morning at a place that is not elementary school, but may as well be.

posted by renee 1:28 PM

Monday, July 09, 2007

i do not like to see the clock say the same time twice in one workday.

i would rather sit again by the mississippi with a book and the breeze and my friends and a campfire at night and pudgie pie pizzas and sunburn and God and quiet.

vacation is better than working.

posted by renee 6:33 PM

Monday, July 02, 2007

i'm real glad that we're friends with russia again now, thanks to a little quality time with a couple presidents with string hanging off a couple poles into a lake where the fish weren't really biting.

the next great diplomatic toolbox - insisting on calling fellow leaders by their first names and creating situations where you will be near each other wearing "casual shirts." sigh. i guess it's how he got elected, so it shouldn't be surprising he'd keep forcing the point.

gdub. your best buddy. and vladmir's, too.

posted by renee 4:08 PM

if i could
i would peel you
layer by layer
secret by secret
until i get to that
sweet soft spot in your center

the catch is
i need to know
that you want me to
because peeling requires nearly as much courage as

but the catch is
you need to know
how much i want to
because being peeled




thus, we may have arrived at an impasse
where clues lurking below the surface of obvious
contradict each other
and hours upon hours
of compiled social signals
leave no one brave enough to SAY anything

i do not know why it is so hard.

posted by renee 8:06 AM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!