Wednesday, May 30, 2007
dancing at bunkers with an award winning canadian filmmaker.
ignoring phone messages from the old man.
drinking lemonade-y beer.
welcoming the new roommate (hooray!)
not leaving work on time or taking weekends off (=overtime and exhaustion)
drinking TOO MUCH COFFEE.
being proud of tom (go tom!)
missing lyndsey and yiling, girls with 'y' in their names.
bringing ice cream cake into a bar and lighting candles and singing loud and cutting pieces for the bouncer, waitresses, musicians, and assorted other patrons (happy birthday craig!) / (this is a good way to make friends)
building up to june the one, which is the date i've assigned myself to suddenly develop discipline (good joke!)
i bought a little black book to write things in that i'm afraid of forgetting. i plan to carry it around with me and it will be my little treasure until i unavoidably lose it somewhere. that's fine with me.
and that, friends, is an update!
posted by renee 10:19 PM
Friday, May 25, 2007
today i am...
entertaining the thought of tragically impossible love affairs with celebrities
wearing my rockstar jeans at work (again)
drinking coffee coffee coffee happily
anticipating a weekend full of excuses to dance
posted by renee 9:32 AM
Thursday, May 24, 2007
"It is hard work to control the workings of inclination, and turn the bent of nature: but that it may be done, I know from experience. God has given us, in a measure, the power to make our own fate; and when our energies seem to demand a sustenance they cannot get-when our will strains after a path we may not follow-we need neither starve from inanition, nor stand still in despair: we have but to seek another nourishment for the mind, as strong as the forbidden food it longed to taste-and perhaps surer; and to hew out for the adventurous food a road as direct and broad as the one Fortune has blocked up against us, if rougher than it."
-Charlotte Bronte with the voice of Mr. Rivers
This is true. It is also uttered in a way which makes me long for a past (although perhaps imaginary) time when people spoke mostly about important things and still attempted to understand life.
I love Abby Shepard very much, by the way.
posted by renee 9:56 PM
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
when i am old, i want to be a connoisseur of fine scotch. i want to have long grey hair and wear crazy hats and ride around on a bicycle. i plan on small children being a little afraid of me. i want to be in a folk band that plays around town for the amusement of college students who don't yet understand that they, too, will get old. their amusement will amuse me. i want to ride the city bus on nice days in the summer with the window open and eavesdrop on the other patrons. i want to do yoga outside on saturday mornings and then have a cup of coffee. i want to paint my toenails red.
but i'm not old yet. what's important now is that i'll be remembering how i spend my youth's time and energy while i'm tooling around on my bike in my crazy hat in fifty years. and maybe the hat will be pink with a flower in it. and maybe my hair will fly salt and peppery long behind me. but most importantly, i want my memory to be free of regret or sorrow and to be full of the habit of leaning toward hopefulness. and for that, i'd give up all of it, even the scotch.
the practicing starts now.
posted by renee 11:21 PM
Saturday, May 19, 2007
i am having a harder time being completely honest, or at least finding out which things are important to be honest about and who to be honest to/with. i don't know that i know what the point of it is anyway, most of the time. so much talking. what i do know is, the less open i am, the less i know what there is to be open about. and the less i know that, the less i feel like a person.
there must be a God. no quirk of evolution could have made something this complex and full of significance and weight.
short answer: i am NOT very good at change and i am NOT very good at handling disapproval.
OR: today i made 18 pounds of potato salad and dan olson picked up the phone when i called for the second time in five years. so i guess i'll just let that be good enough.
posted by renee 12:20 AM
Friday, May 18, 2007
HONESTLY, SOME DAYS MY JOB IS SO HARD AND DEMANDING AND STRESSFUL THAT I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE TIME TO SIT DOWN AND WRITE ALL ABOUT IT IN ORDER TO PROVE IT TO YOU.
about 20 minutes ago, i seriously almost cracked up. i almost crawled under my desk to start rocking back and forth in the fetal position and humming. i almost sent a bunch of nasty emails i would have regretted.
patience, come to me now
posted by renee 12:30 PM
Thursday, May 17, 2007
not a joke
also: i bought it! i bought it! i bought it! whoopeeee!
posted by renee 4:05 PM
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
phone: ring ring
little kid: hello?
me: hi. is your mom home?
little kid: no
me: is there an adult there?
little kid: well, my dad's in the bathroom.
me: okay. i'll call back in a little bit.
phone: ring ring
little kid: hello?
me: hi, can i talk to your dad?
little kid: he's still in the bathroom.
me: oh, sorry. i'll call back.
little kid: yeah. it's gonna take awhile.
posted by renee 3:42 PM
Monday, May 14, 2007
one of my goals is to not be one of those people that makes you feel dumb after you tell a story. you know the type. the "and then i found five dollars" people. the "so what" people. the people who get that superior quizzical look on their face that makes you feel three inches tall.
if i ever make you feel three inches tall, knock me upside the head to remind me of this.
d and i have a code word she uses to warn me when i get that tone of voice.
chuckle. all good jokes are stolen from tv.
also: i like sentences that are so long that you have to take a big gulp of air right at the end of them if you're reading out loud.
posted by renee 2:19 PM
Thursday, May 10, 2007
sometimes you know a person and you like them, and they like you, and you have similar interests, and you live near each other, and you have a good time talking, and you both could be useful to each other in terms of resources and skills, but you still don't really end up being friends.
i couldn't explain why.
and then there are other people that are your friends for no particular reason, just because you happen to care for them.
but most people?
most people you haven't even met yet!
posted by renee 1:27 PM
Monday, May 07, 2007
posted by renee 11:56 AM
Thursday, May 03, 2007
the real reason people are so concerned about global warming is not because of the earth, it is because we are biologically predisposed to fight for the continued existence of our species. only, with people, it gets a lot more complicated. either way, i kinda don't think the earth cares too much if we go and i'm pretty sure that most folks don't give a rip about an unpeopled planet.
in the meantime:
"i don't even consider myself a part of society."
posted by renee 7:28 PM
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
feeling uncomfortably existential
wearing a polka-dotted bangle
and wanting to play play play
music music music
and the only phone numbers i have memorized are:
my three inspectors
the front desk at work
and my mom
posted by renee 3:06 PM