emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Thursday, March 31, 2005

yesterday i went to chipotle for a burrito and while i was scarfing it down (first meal of the day at 4:30... yikes!) i thought about the origin of burritos and about mexico and for some reason my brain said that tortillas probably came originally from spain, because isn't that where mexicans came from? and then i laughed at my silliness and thought, "not everyone comes from somewhere else." and then i stopped and thought, "but everyone does come from somewhere, now don't they?" because really, there are all these people all over the world, but they weren't always there and it might be good to ask yourself how they got there in the first place.

and today the university, in one last desperate attempt to squeeze every last cent out of me that they could before i graduate demanded that i pay them money for a cap and gown and insisted that i really should also buy overpriced graduation invitations (with address labels, embossed thank-you notes, and gold stickers with which to seal the envelopes), several bound copies of my thesis for posterity, an ugly and cumbersome ring with my name on it, and a $150 frame for the diploma i've already shelled out thousands for. capitalism at its most transparently evil. i ran out of there with the obligatory cap, gown and tassel as fast as i could.

posted by renee 4:43 PM

Wednesday, March 30, 2005

it's beautiful
how you let the music move your body
and how your hair falls over your eyes
it's beautiful
how our breathing falls in rhythm with the drums
and our pulse quickens and muscles tense and feet stomp
it's beautiful
how this sound makes us all so glad to be human
and so connected to each other as our hearts swell in unison

posted by renee 1:06 PM

Tuesday, March 22, 2005

i really wanted to get to 10,000 words
but i don't have anything else to say

until it's time to revise...

every time i cough, it feels like i'm getting shot in the solar plexus
i'm supposed to sing tomorrow night.... riiiight
this would be as good a time as any to get hit by a truck
dagney is getting my futon all hairy
time for nyquil


posted by renee 11:08 PM

blah blah blah blah paper
blah blah blah blah cap and gown
blah blah blah blah summa cum blah
blah blah blah blah grow up get a job

8641 words and counting.
and counting
and counting

posted by renee 6:39 PM

Monday, March 21, 2005

bob your head with the kick drum
hold your eyes steady as you fly past the scenery
on a train that makes this feel like a city
we're all pretending to know something
but most of us are scared most of the time
we're all acting bigger than we really are
but most of us feel small most of the time
in this big, big city

*cough cough*

posted by renee 10:16 PM

Sunday, March 20, 2005

please excuse me while i lick the cough syrup drips off my germy fingers.
now that i've contaminated lincoln, i guess it's time to get myself back home.
i'll miss y'all.

p.s. i bet all this lung hacking is great for my abs.

p.p.s. i wish i could play liebestraum at midnight, but i'd wake everybody up, so i guess i'll go cough myself to sleep. it hurts to swallow.

posted by renee 11:14 PM

Thursday, March 17, 2005

turns out i'm an itty bitty bit irish.

who knew?

posted by renee 11:50 PM

Monday, March 14, 2005

i hope i never stop talking to people that matter to me about things i think are important.

also: why do women wear such uncomfortable shoes?

post script: sometimes when i'm typing it freaks me out that my fingers push so many different buttons in such rapid succession to translate something that's in my head into a visual form in order to communicate it to other people. so many buttons. so fast. thoughts pouring out through fingers which seem to almost work independently of my brain. i am not thinking about letters. i'm hardly thinking about words. sometimes it almost seems like my brain has nothing to do with it at all. my fingers are talking to you............

posted by renee 9:12 AM

Friday, March 11, 2005

when you come around the corner from the washington avenue entrance into willey hall you see a logo on a glass wall for the minnesota population center. behind the glass wall is a maze of cubicles replacing what used to be the foyer of an art galery. the first one in the corner has the same logo and a nice potted plant with a nice smiling person behind it. when you go up the stairs, you can see past the receptionist into the maze and then, if you are attuned to irony, you might notice that all the other cubicles are empty.

posted by renee 10:06 AM

Tuesday, March 08, 2005

i wake up every morning confused. i have hangnails and no clippers. dry skin and no lotion. dry lips and no chapstick. cold feet and no clean socks. morning breath and no desire to cleanse it. i'm late for work (again) and i can't muster up the energy to let it bother me. i guess i'll just go with it, like usual. stupid school. stupid jobs.

last night i just wanted to play scrabble and all my scrabble buddies were 500 miles away. today i just want to be normal and calm and i'm failing. i wonder if i'm really chemically imbalanced or if this is all in my head.

have mercy on me.

posted by renee 9:32 AM

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

the tuskegee syphilis study ended in 1972. a decade before i was born. survivers were alive at the same time i was. and yet we insist that racism is a relic of the past. if you're white, how much time do you spend with a black friend in their home so that you can see how a black family operates? or do you think you know because you watched the cosby show?

news flash: tv lies

posted by renee 9:58 AM

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

You scored as Democrat.

















What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

makes sense. i went to million dollar baby last night and spent about a half hour with my hand over my mouth in disbelief. and then the credits rolled and i sat immobilized and silent wondering if being so completely wrung out would cause said disbelief to take hold of reality permanently. so there. so i did write a blog entry about it. and maybe it's true that people throw away this thing as an exercise in overreaction but maybe it's also true that i'm just trying to be honest.

some things matter so much. other things seem so much like they matter that we're convinced, even if they don't. even if they're fiction. even if they stand in opposition to our day to day choices and thoughts.

i feel better today. last night i felt like running away.

75 days to graduation...

posted by renee 4:11 PM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!