emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

jordan? i think i saw you.
who's from singapore? the only person i know from singapore is victor, and i don't think he's there. saskatchewan?

either that, or my IP address sleuthing is poor at best.

you recognizable people (looking from work - naughty naughty), hello. micah, jim, lisa, boys.... i see you...

the internet is fun.

you know what's not fun? the pit bull from next door has been spotted in our back yard, so taking out the trash is not fun. not that it would be otherwise, but seriously. the woman on the other side of us has a little kid. i wonder if we should call animal control. that seems quite antagonistic, and dennis and rose are very nice, but we shouldn't have a very angry, potentially very dangerous animal barking at us from under our windows or through the screen door to hilary's room. not good.

posted by renee 9:59 AM

Monday, August 29, 2005

eek! the sociologist in me is clawing its way to the surface today.


sample - unknown
method - qualitative
proposal - mail a thousand (or so) envelopes with a blank piece of paper, a return envelope and stamp and directions to use the piece of paper to say something about yourself and what important to you, however you see fit (also, an apology that i cannot provide return postage for three dimentional creations, but that i would nonetheless encourage them).
expense - approximately $500 (how much does it cost to rent a p.o. box?)
result - book? at very least, there would definitely be some interesting responses. will approach yds administrators about stealing their sample....

sample - experts and participants selected at convenience from 25,000 participants in burning man
method - ethnography
proposal - attend event. interview participants, keep photo journal of art and artists, create log of answers to predetermined set of questions regarding the role of expression in the broader world and the meaning of this specific event both in individuals' lives in specific and their understanding of what it is to be human in general.
expense - $300 airfare, $250 ticket, $250-500 supplies, REALLY EXPENSIVE DIGITAL CAMERA....:-)
result - well... hopefully, some more understanding of how people understand what it is to be human and create art. if done correctly, i could totally publish it.

sample - renee
method - one simple question
proposal - discover if renee is going to grad school
expense - untold thousands
result - if affirmative, less (or more constructive) itching to explore the mysterious world in her middle/old age. if negative, there better be a dang good reason why not.

posted by renee 5:31 PM

Friday, August 26, 2005

so much of my thought life and my conversation is simply response. this is the reason that i may never write a book. there is something in the author that grasps concepts from life and can run with them indefinitely. i need more frequent mental stimulation to keep my brain running at its usual clip. i had a good dose of it yesterday and it was much appreciated.

resulting epiphany: i do not like boring people.

thankfully, it doesn't take much not to be boring. opinions. a sense of humor. spontaneity. passion for something one does. and perhaps my most favorite characteristic in people: curiosity. [think: renee would like to be {fascinating} more than anything else and she appreciates {curiosity} in people more than anything else. almost too mathematical.]

also, i like that my cat is locked into a cupboard or closet all night long on a frequent basis because she has not learned to meow the instant someone closes the door on her. i almost didn't find her this morning.

lastly: spending time with cloud the bunny

posted by renee 10:10 AM

Thursday, August 25, 2005



FOOD - 3.2








because i enjoy living in a single family home surrounded by grass and i don't have the time/energy to eliminate the 25% of my diet that is processed/not locally grown or comes from an animal, i continue to be a drain on the earth's resources. but i guess that's what i get for being an american....

posted by renee 8:45 AM

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

i think the time has come in my life to learn to maintain a reasonable self image that is completely independent of any outside force but the Ultimate One. "do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgement, in accordance with the faith that God has given to you." but also: "it is good and proper for a man to eat and drink and find satisfaction in his toilsome labor under the sun."

can one be humble and yet retain good self-esteem? or does humility automatically imply feeling completely personally inadequate? it is basically impossible to simultaneously neither discount nor take credit for the ways i've been blessed. if i only knew where i ended and He began, i could make more sense of things. however, i strongly suspect that there is no line between us at all.

this morning, my roommate called my private office number to ask me if i have had chicken pox.

posted by renee 2:32 PM

Monday, August 22, 2005

one of my favorites

posted by renee 3:20 PM

open bars at weddings make people say "and they will drink themselves stupid, because it's free" as if the only thing standing between us and lives wasted in perpetual drunkenness is money. seems like a poor excuse to me. either way, i was given $75 for playing my cello and singing at such a wedding this weekend and they spent only slightly less on my dinner (and everyone else's). rich people can be very nice, but they are unavoidably a little silly.

yesterday i rollerbladed around lake calhoun twice in 45 minues and drove around it twice in 10. then roommate pizza night (homemade!) with one guest.

i think i would like to be married, but i wish there was an inoffensive way to get that way without throwing an expensive party with lots of rules i don't understand.

posted by renee 10:58 AM

Friday, August 19, 2005

OH, and i apparently SLEEPWALK now... hil got home around 1 after being out wednesday night and i was standing across the room from my bed mumbling. she felt bad for waking me up, but she needn't have, because i wasn't awake at all... yikes...

posted by renee 10:25 AM

a comparison:

april 5, 11:10 am: alitalia flight 645 MSP to rome
april 9, 9:45 am: alitalia flight 644 rome to minneapolis

april 5, 9:08 am: american airlines flight 1196 MSP to new york city
april 8, 11:47 am: american airlines flight 1403 NYC to rome
april 15, 10:35 am: american airlines flight 235 rome to new york city
april 19, 9:59 am: american airlines flight 317 NYC to minneapolis

april 5, mystery time and airline MSP to new york city
april 8, 3:00 pm, alitalia 619 NYC to rome
april 15, 7:50 am, alitalia 1022 rome to new york city
april 19, mystery time and airline NYC to minneapolis
$217 + 784 = $1001


posted by renee 8:56 AM

Thursday, August 18, 2005

and when you talk, make sure you talk fast enough that you get out everything you wanted to say before someone else opens their mouth or your audience loses interest. everything you say is of the utmost importance.

last night i had a dream where two people were standing right next to each other talking to me at exactly the same time and my head was spinning trying to understand both of them at once. or maybe that happened in real life. i can't quite remember.

posted by renee 11:35 AM

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

i am plotting
this is my favorite mood
i grin at my bamboo
and at the clock,
in thanks for its message
32 minutes and counting
say yes to apple juice
say no to cake
say yes to frequently calling people to ask them not to cash checks you've written them, as they would bounce
i am listening to lift to experience in my office
because everyone else has gone home

ha ha ha

posted by renee 5:10 PM

Monday, August 15, 2005

i wish i could write a poem
sometimes i almost can't resist flipping off humvee drivers
(silly overgrown little boys with the need to express their masculinity by purchasing a vehicle that gets 10 miles to the gallon to drive themselves to work in)
i don't think i want to work for a living
law school's in my brain again
i need days where i can come home from work and not have to talk to anyone or go anywhere. at least once a week.
i've stopped returning phone calls, in general.
my desk is messy, but i'm going home
maybe on the bus, i'll try to write a poem.

posted by renee 5:39 PM

in my office i have bamboo!
it is so cute it almost makes me feel guilty for liking to cook it in my stirfry.
but not quite.

posted by renee 8:51 AM

Thursday, August 11, 2005

how would you like to have $8280 of cocaine stuffed up your butt?


posted by renee 3:44 PM

anybody in the cities want to see bill cosby with me? it's $52, but he is really really old, so you might not have so many more chances. i know it's morbid...

posted by renee 12:35 PM

Tuesday, August 09, 2005


posted by renee 3:21 PM

woke up early. took the bus to rosedale to do some shopping, some grocery store lunch munching, some poking around a music store, and some morgan freeman/penguin watching. then biked to my neighborhood library and was amazed at how you just go there and pick some books and go home, but you never have to give them any money. hanging out with myself is quite enjoyable. i'm fun. and a good listener.

BIRTHDAY! was called by all the important people (did not have time to return all important messages, though, lisa enns..) opened my eyes at 7:30 and realized that if i had to go to work, i'd be walking in the rain. smiled that i wasn't. lounged around and read all morning, ate a whole box of macaroni and cheese. missed jill. watched hotel rwanda (will examine new horrors of human nature a different day...) then more than a dozen of us squeezed around a table at buca's for family style italian and a free birthday dessert. people in my life are so thoughtful.

woke up. went to work. now wasting time at work. thinking i might take my lunch break a little earlier than usual. there is nothing wrong with my job except that it's a job. i was trying to think about a job that would be perfect for me, and, unless movies are true and the more money you make the more you go shopping and play golf on tuesday mornings, i will always resent the fact that someone else is deciding how i spend my time. not sure what to do about that.

posted by renee 11:35 AM

Friday, August 05, 2005

joining the bandwagon for a good cause

read this

posted by renee 4:17 PM

yesterday i bought radiator hoses for a '91 dodge caravan with a 3.3L V-6. maybe this weekend i will install them. the man who sold them to me was funny and hated his job and put a plastic lizard in the end of one of the hoses when he handed it to me. he didn't let me keep it.

when i ride the 21 in the morning i'm almost always the last person to get off. the drivers usually still say the name of the next stop into the microphone, even though i'm sitting right next to them. i wonder if they say things into the microphone when the bus is empty. i bet they do.

posted by renee 9:56 AM

Thursday, August 04, 2005

sometimes my imagination is uncontrollably violent. i notice myself walking too close to a curb and visualize myself stepping over and falling, my head hitting the corner of the curb and teeth cracking. i step out toward the street and a cement truck goes past me. i can picture the physics of what would happen if i was hit. how i would fall, the limbs that wouldn't survive as the truck drove over me. and once i get these pictures in my head, it is very hard to get them out. strange.

we're cleaning the office today. hundreds of pounds of paper is being recycled. there is a cardboard cutout of bob dole that was uncovered and stares at you when you come around the corner from the HRA to livable communities. he is carrying a real pencil and wearing political buttons and mardi gras beads. since i've only been here a couple of months, i pretty much threw away everything that was in my office. now i have a huge empty lateral file cabinet and three empty flipper cabinets. any suggestions for office decorating? i should get a calandar...

posted by renee 2:40 PM

Monday, August 01, 2005

saw a beautiful sunset spread out for miles across the flat iowa horizon
almost jumped off a cliff into a lake, but decided not to get my hair wet :-)
ate pizza at 11:00 at night
bought cds (medulla, lovers need lawyers, free me)
stayed up late and slept in
sat on a beach even though it was cloudy
chased wild raspberries through the thorns (and was scratched)
conversed with some very friendly self-identified rednecks
visited an organic creamery and drank some of the best tasting milk ever (and chocolate milk...)
in short: drove, laughed, bonded, drove again

it was all worth the horror that was friday afternoon. i don't even care to tell that story...

posted by renee 1:52 PM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!