emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Friday, August 25, 2006

i believe in strapping on a strobe light and shooting streamers into the air and seven hundred pounds of confetti and santas to the right and aliens to the left and making your audience feel appreciated and fighting the stormy weather til it gives up and goes away.

it was definitely a spectacle. it was definitely the flaming lips.

something i have noticed is that i do a substantial amount of observation compiling and analysis at concerts. every show has a dozen blog entries built into it. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i should carry a notepad. too much is lost when not immediately recorded.

today, as a result of all this, i am very tired.

posted by renee 8:43 AM

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

i'd really like to go get a challah roll and a cup of coffee from my usual place, but last time i went, to my dismay, coffee had gone up from $1.25 to $2 and the rolls from $0.55 to $1.25. that, my friends, is no longer the best deal in town.

so i figure if they won't give me what i want for under $2, they can't have any of my dollars at all.

this solves an issue with my standards as a consumer, but it does not solve the rumbling in my tummy.

i might just cave.

posted by renee 10:32 AM

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

to every girl waiting

huddled, shivering
brown hair falling prettily over not so pretty eyes-red-from-crying
you heard a new thought explained the other day
about how it would feel
to love somebody so much you were scared of them
that to speak might break the spell
to let loose your imagination
might be to lose your heart for good
remember what it was like
when you thought that could happen to you?

it hasn’t

ah: but the dam has quivered
it has trembled
and torrents have come powerfully forth
from deep wounds in what was designed to hold everything in

but it still stands

of course there is only so much you can take
(and of course
when it comes to taking
your own advice is out of the question)
but what isn’t out of the question
is that someone does exist

who will scare your socks off

stand up, shake it off
because, if he does exist
(that someone who can finally tear the dam down forever)
somewhere right this minute
he is breathing in
breathing out
breathing in
breathing out

and one day, the dam will break
the prior torrents will seem like a mere trickle
in comparison to the crashing crushing waterfall
of losing your heart for good

breathe in
breathe out
breathe in
breathe out

posted by renee 3:42 PM

Monday, August 21, 2006

sometimes i wish i could just post a song and make sure you stay and listen to the whole thing. sometimes i wish i could just sit in a comfy chair on the most beautiful morning of all time on wade's front portch and make it last forever. sometimes i wish i could just go out and find a perfect new pair of pants in five minutes and that they'd be cheap. sometimes i wish that those moments that are so good were really my life and not just a teasing glimpse into something that will never be mine. sometimes i wish i could still flirt with you. sometimes i wish i was somebody different. but almost always, i could say it better if i had my piano or got around to learning the guitar.

posted by renee 2:11 PM

Thursday, August 17, 2006

for lisa:

when it’s been awhile
since you’ve been opened up
by a person who knew you
when you were somebody else entirely

sometimes you can forget
that you still are that person
and it surprises you
to find her inside

then, in a late night conversation
across miles of freeway and farmland
hearts remind one another
of how close the past is still clinging

and it brings a sort of relief
that life is one whole, a continuum
where former selves are connected
to the present and future

that the strength, the purity, the fire
of all your history
can be drawn into this new foreground
it has not left you, it is not lost

and in the cool starlessness of a city night
you reunite with yourself
and with your friend
and all is well

posted by renee 1:23 PM

Wednesday, August 16, 2006


on the other hand, could i get any more masochistic? really? could i? probably not.

head spinning again attacked by a little pecking bird. pecking pecking pecking.

the answer, to a question which may or may not have been intended to be posed to me, is a decided, resounding YES.

it would be nice to talk about it. nice and impossible.

gotta let it go and go to band practice (to which a sandwich is being brought for me. how nice.)

posted by renee 5:20 PM

a moderately well formed opinion on something largely irrelevant and regurgitated (people lying and/or turning into something they once were not; the overwhelming number of passwords i am expected to remember and change every 30 days; gas prices/people who drive gigantic military vehicles to the grocery store)

a vague outpouring of emotion, laced with favored adverbs and faux profundity, brought on my the shifting gender profile of my day-to-day friend group, among other things

a poem which reveals perhaps too much

an(other) anecdote about recent exploits in the kitchen

an exploration into a distant memory tied to a greater truth about the human spirit

questions about satellites that no one yet has satisfactorily answered (how many are there in orbit? how much do they cost? who owns them?)

a rant about the ultimitly finite nature of the mind and the illusion of the opposite

several links that seem to prove that i am competently observing the current political climate in the middle east (which i am not)

nothing at all

maybe i'll go with nothing at all today.

posted by renee 4:57 PM

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

music makes everything so much better.

posted by renee 8:40 AM

Monday, August 14, 2006


the new (temporary) roommate came up from his basement lair at 10:30 yesterday morning.
he said: "do you mind if i have a brownie for breakfast?"
i said: "certainly not. i just had one myself."
he said: "when there are brownies around, i just pretty much always want to eat one. sometimes they're the reason i get up in the morning."

he fits right in, turns out...


i at one point this weekend had a piece of bread with ketchup and mustard on it in my hand for a tofu dog boiling on the stove and reached over a mound of chopped olives for my gazpacho to get a quarter cup of sugar to put in my minty brownies. i have culinary a.d.d.... or maybe just regular a.d.d.


it is easy when you're in a relationship to get lazy about your self esteem. you can just take the other person's opinion of you and fill in the cracks where you don't think so highly of yourself instead of either improving your flaws or learning to not worry about them. this is not such a good strategy when later you find yourself single and with very little memory of the process of filling in the cracks yourself. it is exactly not like riding a bike.


the darker roast your coffee beans have, the deeper the flavor and the less caffeinated the resulting beverage. (spell caffeinated out loud and backwards without looking)


ONE: GRE, grad school applications, community organizing, monitoring and eval, consulting, making the world a better place, urban office with exposed brick.

TWO: a pie cooling on a window sill, canned pears, big pots of soup, cutting up vegetables dug from the garden, FARM WIFE FANTASY...... why am i having this now? it is most inconvenient and dismotivates me for the other goal.... dismotivates. asdlfij.


everything between the extremes bores me. question: "isn't that just feeling normal?"
answer: maybe normal bores me.

posted by renee 10:23 AM

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

my roommates, they threw me a party.
streamers and balloons
an R shaped cookie
an assortment of superfantastic people

and so many food-related presents... makes me want to bake all day
(mango chutney, saffron(!), crazy noodles, baking stone, gourmet mint and cappuccino chips, a fancy oil and olive bread dipping set, and an apron to keep off the mess) plus, a yummy smelling candle, pretty nail polish and a necklace (which i'm wearing right now) from the midtown global market (which is the best place in town)

and my drummer, he got me a basket of assorted fruit shakers to go with the existing banana.

posted by renee 9:04 AM

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

aaaaah chooooo


posted by renee 12:10 PM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

my idea of a good time is:

jean shorts
sweat shirt
flip flops
scrambled eggs
8:00 am
lawn chair OR rock
and that easy, permanent kind of love that you don't have to think too hard about.

and it is happening just in time for my birthday. hooray!

posted by renee 1:55 PM

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

overwhelmed. conflicted. self-contradictory. i feel behind on everything all of a sudden. amazing what a day in bed with a fever can do to a person...

also: it's frustrating to not be qualified for a promotion and to have half a dozen coworkers and a couple of supervisors ask me if i've applied. they would like me to have that job. i would like me to have that job. but HR says no. 10 months shy of the required experience at a social service agency. grumble grumble grumble

posted by renee 5:08 PM


Bloggity Bloggity Bloggity


Image Hosted by ImageShack.us


09.2002 10.2002 11.2002 12.2002 01.2003 02.2003 03.2003 04.2003 05.2003 06.2003 07.2003 08.2003 09.2003 10.2003 11.2003 12.2003 01.2004 02.2004 03.2004 04.2004 05.2004 06.2004 07.2004 08.2004 09.2004 10.2004 11.2004 12.2004 01.2005 02.2005 03.2005 04.2005 05.2005 06.2005 07.2005 08.2005 09.2005 10.2005 11.2005 12.2005 01.2006 02.2006 03.2006 04.2006 05.2006 06.2006 07.2006 08.2006 09.2006 10.2006 11.2006 12.2006 01.2007 02.2007 03.2007 04.2007 05.2007 06.2007 07.2007 08.2007 09.2007 10.2007 11.2007 12.2007 01.2008 02.2008 03.2008 04.2008 05.2008 06.2008 07.2008 08.2008 09.2008 10.2008 11.2008 12.2008 02.2009 03.2009 09.2009 01.2010 01.2011

my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!