Friday, August 25, 2006
i believe in strapping on a strobe light and shooting streamers into the air and seven hundred pounds of confetti and santas to the right and aliens to the left and making your audience feel appreciated and fighting the stormy weather til it gives up and goes away.
it was definitely a spectacle. it was definitely the flaming lips.
something i have noticed is that i do a substantial amount of observation compiling and analysis at concerts. every show has a dozen blog entries built into it. i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: i should carry a notepad. too much is lost when not immediately recorded.
today, as a result of all this, i am very tired.
posted by renee 8:43 AM
Wednesday, August 23, 2006
i'd really like to go get a challah roll and a cup of coffee from my usual place, but last time i went, to my dismay, coffee had gone up from $1.25 to $2 and the rolls from $0.55 to $1.25. that, my friends, is no longer the best deal in town.
so i figure if they won't give me what i want for under $2, they can't have any of my dollars at all.
this solves an issue with my standards as a consumer, but it does not solve the rumbling in my tummy.
i might just cave.
posted by renee 10:32 AM
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
to every girl waiting
brown hair falling prettily over not so pretty eyes-red-from-crying
you heard a new thought explained the other day
about how it would feel
to love somebody so much you were scared of them
that to speak might break the spell
to let loose your imagination
might be to lose your heart for good
remember what it was like
when you thought that could happen to you?
ah: but the dam has quivered
it has trembled
and torrents have come powerfully forth
from deep wounds in what was designed to hold everything in
but it still stands
of course there is only so much you can take
(and of course
when it comes to taking
your own advice is out of the question)
but what isn’t out of the question
is that someone does exist
who will scare your socks off
stand up, shake it off
because, if he does exist
(that someone who can finally tear the dam down forever)
somewhere right this minute
he is breathing in
and one day, the dam will break
the prior torrents will seem like a mere trickle
in comparison to the crashing crushing waterfall
of losing your heart for good
posted by renee 3:42 PM
Monday, August 21, 2006
sometimes i wish i could just post a song and make sure you stay and listen to the whole thing. sometimes i wish i could just sit in a comfy chair on the most beautiful morning of all time on wade's front portch and make it last forever. sometimes i wish i could just go out and find a perfect new pair of pants in five minutes and that they'd be cheap. sometimes i wish that those moments that are so good were really my life and not just a teasing glimpse into something that will never be mine. sometimes i wish i could still flirt with you. sometimes i wish i was somebody different. but almost always, i could say it better if i had my piano or got around to learning the guitar.
posted by renee 2:11 PM
Thursday, August 17, 2006
when it’s been awhile
since you’ve been opened up
by a person who knew you
when you were somebody else entirely
sometimes you can forget
that you still are that person
and it surprises you
to find her inside
then, in a late night conversation
across miles of freeway and farmland
hearts remind one another
of how close the past is still clinging
and it brings a sort of relief
that life is one whole, a continuum
where former selves are connected
to the present and future
that the strength, the purity, the fire
of all your history
can be drawn into this new foreground
it has not left you, it is not lost
and in the cool starlessness of a city night
you reunite with yourself
and with your friend
and all is well
posted by renee 1:23 PM
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
on the other hand, could i get any more masochistic? really? could i? probably not.
head spinning again attacked by a little pecking bird. pecking pecking pecking.
the answer, to a question which may or may not have been intended to be posed to me, is a decided, resounding YES.
it would be nice to talk about it. nice and impossible.
gotta let it go and go to band practice (to which a sandwich is being brought for me. how nice.)
posted by renee 5:20 PM
a moderately well formed opinion on something largely irrelevant and regurgitated (people lying and/or turning into something they once were not; the overwhelming number of passwords i am expected to remember and change every 30 days; gas prices/people who drive gigantic military vehicles to the grocery store)
a vague outpouring of emotion, laced with favored adverbs and faux profundity, brought on my the shifting gender profile of my day-to-day friend group, among other things
a poem which reveals perhaps too much
an(other) anecdote about recent exploits in the kitchen
an exploration into a distant memory tied to a greater truth about the human spirit
questions about satellites that no one yet has satisfactorily answered (how many are there in orbit? how much do they cost? who owns them?)
a rant about the ultimitly finite nature of the mind and the illusion of the opposite
several links that seem to prove that i am competently observing the current political climate in the middle east (which i am not)
nothing at all
maybe i'll go with nothing at all today.
posted by renee 4:57 PM
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
music makes everything so much better.
posted by renee 8:40 AM
Monday, August 14, 2006
the new (temporary) roommate came up from his basement lair at 10:30 yesterday morning.
he said: "do you mind if i have a brownie for breakfast?"
i said: "certainly not. i just had one myself."
he said: "when there are brownies around, i just pretty much always want to eat one. sometimes they're the reason i get up in the morning."
he fits right in, turns out...
i at one point this weekend had a piece of bread with ketchup and mustard on it in my hand for a tofu dog boiling on the stove and reached over a mound of chopped olives for my gazpacho to get a quarter cup of sugar to put in my minty brownies. i have culinary a.d.d.... or maybe just regular a.d.d.
it is easy when you're in a relationship to get lazy about your self esteem. you can just take the other person's opinion of you and fill in the cracks where you don't think so highly of yourself instead of either improving your flaws or learning to not worry about them. this is not such a good strategy when later you find yourself single and with very little memory of the process of filling in the cracks yourself. it is exactly not like riding a bike.
the darker roast your coffee beans have, the deeper the flavor and the less caffeinated the resulting beverage. (spell caffeinated out loud and backwards without looking)
ONE: GRE, grad school applications, community organizing, monitoring and eval, consulting, making the world a better place, urban office with exposed brick.
TWO: a pie cooling on a window sill, canned pears, big pots of soup, cutting up vegetables dug from the garden, FARM WIFE FANTASY...... why am i having this now? it is most inconvenient and dismotivates me for the other goal.... dismotivates. asdlfij.
everything between the extremes bores me. question: "isn't that just feeling normal?"
answer: maybe normal bores me.
posted by renee 10:23 AM
Wednesday, August 09, 2006
my roommates, they threw me a party.
streamers and balloons
an R shaped cookie
an assortment of superfantastic people
and so many food-related presents... makes me want to bake all day
(mango chutney, saffron(!), crazy noodles, baking stone, gourmet mint and cappuccino chips, a fancy oil and olive bread dipping set, and an apron to keep off the mess) plus, a yummy smelling candle, pretty nail polish and a necklace (which i'm wearing right now) from the midtown global market (which is the best place in town)
and my drummer, he got me a basket of assorted fruit shakers to go with the existing banana.
posted by renee 9:04 AM
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
posted by renee 12:10 PM
Thursday, August 03, 2006
my idea of a good time is:
lawn chair OR rock
and that easy, permanent kind of love that you don't have to think too hard about.
and it is happening just in time for my birthday. hooray!
posted by renee 1:55 PM
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
overwhelmed. conflicted. self-contradictory. i feel behind on everything all of a sudden. amazing what a day in bed with a fever can do to a person...
also: it's frustrating to not be qualified for a promotion and to have half a dozen coworkers and a couple of supervisors ask me if i've applied. they would like me to have that job. i would like me to have that job. but HR says no. 10 months shy of the required experience at a social service agency. grumble grumble grumble
posted by renee 5:08 PM