a boy who never likes anything i bake demands that some of the peanut butter cookies i made last be sitting on his kitchen table when he gets home from work. he doesn't ask, he demands.
you know if i post twice in a work day i either don't have anything to do, or i have so much to do that i just can't force myself to do any of it.
INSIGNIFICANT RANT OF THE HOUR you know those letters you have to type to log in to some things that are all warped so a computer can't spam you... well, sometimes i can't read them either. (also, i don't understand how a computer can randomly generate those letters, but another computer can't read them. if someone could enlighten me, that would be nice.)
my blog apparently sounds like it is ghost-written by zach braff. this was meant as an insult (although a semi-good-humored insult). but he gets paid lots more money than me and if we're saying basically the same thing, then i feel that life is cheating me somehow. how i know i'm a total nerd is: yesterday i microwaved a cup of water for tea for 2 minutes. it arrived at a certain number of degrees and slowly cooled off after that for a period of time until it reached the perfect drinking temperature.
this took longer than i wanted.
so then i microwaved my second cup of water for 1 minute, thirty seconds. and i really did sit and think about whether reducing the time of warming by 25% reduced the time of waiting by 25% and how it depends on the starting temp of the tap water and the temperature and humidity of the air around the tea as it's cooling and i kinda wanted to know the real answer to that question.
tonight i have a date with sam and i feel like making peanut butter cookies.
posted by renee 4:18 PM
my life is FULL to the BRIM with WOMEN to the point that when i see a girl my age in a suit walking with a group of men in suits, it almost shocks me.
and last night i took a long bath with candles and hot tea and a good book and yummy smelling things in different sorts of bottles.
but i still couldn't wake up this morning. work is getting to me in a serious sort of way.
or maybe it's that the delicate balance of my life really did depend on a healthy dose of testosterone exposure.
proposition to at least laura and brett and sam: we should have a dan chang party. anyone who loves dan chang should come. 'twould be a riot, i have no doubt.
posted by renee 12:59 PM
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
i opened a jar of applesauce at lunch today and ate straight out of it.
it's seriously two thirds gone now.
who eats a whole jar of applesause in one day? it seems kinda gross, but i guess if the ingredients in it are APPLES, WATER, and SALT, i shouldn't feel bad...
and i wasn't kidding about dan chang.
posted by renee 4:27 PM
i wish i could take three weeks off of work
i wish i could take my whole life off of work
or, at least, working here
umm.... does anyone know where dan chang is? he should call me.
posted by renee 10:19 AM
Monday, September 25, 2006
i have a great little brother.
he thinks.
most people don't.
i still don't like my micro professor, but he laughed at my joke about gas prices going down in election cycles today. i guess we're both dorks.
knob creek is good.
i HATE having money issues because it makes me feel like a failure as a grown up. (see: got way over-zealous with car loan payments hence calling for fulfillments of all outstanding debts on short notice.)
there is a boy who might become a problem. we'll see.
one of my roommates has an aunt who sleeps here on tuesday nights, but she usually doesn't get home until after midnight. we think it's because she's gambling.
my other roommate gives me recaps of what happened on prison break when i get home from my monday class. it is a ritual i very much enjoy. television CAN bring people together....
i overbooked myself AGAIN this week. but i have talked to ABBY, YILING, and LISA on the phone within the last seven days, and that makes up for it.
plus, i have four new myspace friends, so that when i log onto that particular internet service, i feel slightly more popular.
and that is worth a little something....
posted by renee 11:33 PM
(reading textbook) and (going to class) were always seen as equivalent by my undergraduate self. and as a busy person, two equivalent tasks therefore were also mutually exclusive. i almost always chose (going to class) because it, perhaps surprisingly, requires less effort.
apparently this has continued into my post-undergrad life. stupid economics. but i know i'll go, because i plan on getting through this class with the bare minimum of thinking.
grad school will be interesting, because i think they honestly expect you to do both.
uh... i'm in a weird spot still. i think the anxiety at work will start to diminish shortly, but i can't deal with this much longer. i wake up in the middle of the night and make lists sometimes. until this subsides, you can expect a distinct absense of blogs worth your while...
posted by renee 10:59 AM
Sunday, September 24, 2006
and the thing that struck her about mister potato head was that his features were totally... interchangeable....
and it was a happy birthday for my lovely roommate we rode horses NOT in the rain and ate until almost bursting and watched sketch comedy and loved sam
tomorrow i am going to work, but i have hope that much will be accomplished.
in the meantime i am going to bed.
posted by renee 1:35 AM
Saturday, September 23, 2006
sometimes when you get hit on, it makes you feel beautiful sometimes, someone else could say something identical and it would make you feel ugly
there is no logic to it at all
women are a great mystery. it is strange to be one and still not understand.
posted by renee 12:54 AM
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
i totally stockpile office supplies
in my cubicle i have 273 pens (black, blue, red, pink, purple and the coveted green), 14 sharpies, a ream's worth of paper retrieved from the reports we print that for no good reason include blank pages, two dozen of each type of envelope, six boxes of staples and 14,728 paperclips.
those y2k crazies ain't got nothin on me.
posted by renee 10:17 AM
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
the perfect person for me to spend my life with would be someone who is
a. completely enchanted with the possibilities of life
b. completely disenchanted with the typical american's choice from amongst those possibilities (two.five kids, dog, three car garage, big screen tv)
AND
-i am waaay too hard on myself sometimes. it's good to have people tell you to stop. -i have decided that i do not like "the dismal science" and fundamentally disagree with its premise of how people are motivated. humans are different than animals and capitalism as it is correlated to natural selection should not be allowed to take its natural course, crushing everything vulnerable in its path. that it is generally not is a tribute of sorts to higher consciousness. due to this premise of mine, i butted heads with my micro professor who effectively said that he, an individual, believes that i, an individual, am paternalistic.
luckily this happened outside of classtime. i believe this shows that i am gaining some sort of maturity and/or discretion.
in other news, i'm still busy, not looking forward to winter, and as a result of both, drinking a lot of coffee.
and i realized today that i was feeling more like a person
because of my increased responsibility at work
whereas, recently i've felt mostly dull and useless
and i thrive on an excessive number of duties because it keeps me busy enough that my natural human desire for purpose is satisfied (without leftover time for too many questions)
so
it must be that i have still not mastered this LIVING thing where you really exist a three dimensional object (mostly) fixed in time and space
if so many things from the outside of me still matter so incredibly much
however, it is nice to be distracted from the other dull and useless place where i have been sitting so much
i'm a slippery slope kinda girl. if the whole house is clean and then i don't wash my dishes, the whole house will very soon become messy. if i make one wrong choice in the morning (SNOOZE times X+1) then i will likely continue to make wrong choices (eggs! coffee! mascara!) and be very late. if i ignore X1388 voicemails at work, i will soon ignore my X1688 voicemails at work and the X1626 voicemails that someone else is taking off for me but can't answer will also get left behind. soon i will stop answering my personal cell phone as well.
right now, i have slipped and slid into near oblivion. behind on everything at once (bills, X1388, X1688, X1626, emails, personal phone calls, personal emails, personal mail, professional mail, knitting projects,
...and then the unfinished blog sits unposted for two hours while i get my dresser fixed, eat dinner, make a trip to see some friends and give input on a website design...
feeling: interested stimulated busy and undignified shy and bold filled up and empty healthy overqualified immature untapped, untested quiet, sad with things to hide complicated undiscovered motivated satisfied
er... rhyming aside, i have rediscovered factoring quadratic equasions and i like it a lot. i wish i could take the GRE for a living. it's great when you have days when you seem to get along with everyone very well. it's great to conquer things you usually give in to. it's great to talk to your grandmother. it's great to relax. this weekend, my roommates and i nested.
some people disappear from your life and you are relieved, but then they show up again later, usually, and it's awkward.
people that have the potential to show up again that would be instead of the enjoyable sort: dan chang charlie michael j anhie + baby
here's to them
*clink*
here goes another monday of having two jobs at once. i already spent a half hour checking voice mails from the weekend. deep breath, i can do this....
posted by renee 11:04 PM
Monday, September 04, 2006
(BOUNDARIES ARE GOOD) + (I DO NOT HAVE THEM) = (I COULD BE BETTER)
posted by renee 10:42 AM
Sunday, September 03, 2006
it's nice when people from your past come to the surface of your memory and almost simultaneously surprise you with an encouraging word from a thousand miles away.
and i seriously can't get over the lyrics to this song. makes me want to fall in love...
here in the dark i won’t even make a spark you’re the only one who’s never seen the way i can light up in shades of gold and green
i’m just a little firefly i wanna shine for you, but i’m too shy so when you come around, i hide my light when you go away, i shine for you all night all night all night i shine for you all night all night all night
out there in the sun i’d open up for anyone you’re the only one who closes me cause i wanna be the brightest thing you’ve ever seen i’m just little dandelion i wanna blossom, but i’m scared of tryin so i hide my head when you come into the room when you go away, i come right into bloom
and i can’t look down cause i’m way to high i can’t look up into your eyes
well, i never was afraid to sing out loud in front of anybody, any crowd you, you make me lose my nerve feel like something more than i could ever deserve
i’m just a little humming bird i wanna sing, but i can’t find the words so when you come around, i just go still but after you’ve moved on when i know you’re gone i sing for you the way i always will i will i will the way i always will i will i will the way i always will i will i will the way i always will the way i always will - kris delmhorst
p.s. it is sometimes very surprising when someone who is remarkably beautiful on the outside is also remarkably beautiful on the inside. it is also surprising when someone who is very strong is strong enough to be vulnerable.
and when both those surprises are found in the same person, it can make the world seem a place full of promise even on a day when nothing feels at all like the right thing.
posted by renee 7:57 PM
Friday, September 01, 2006
i had twelve hours of training to do a fairly complicated 40 hour a week job which i am now completely independently responsible for on top of my other 40 hour a week job.
40 hour a week job + 40 hour a week job i am not adequately prepared for = no blogging and relatively little sleep.
but today's my half day, and even outside of work, i've been busy. started a class, got ready for the big cd release show in eau claire tonight, had a couple of necessary and satisfying conversations and at least one really good hug.
i think if i got enough good hugs, i could work 100 hours a week.
tonight: rock star time labor day weekend: likely spent mostly laboring.
posted by renee 8:52 AM
