the moon is nearly full tonight. even though i know that the blue moon isn't really until tomorrow, yesterday felt like it needed a celestial explanation. work was strange. more customers than usual had bad teeth and/or indecipherable accents. one of the coworkers i had to attempt to communicate with during my shift is usually slow to respond, but yesterday was practically catatonic, resulting in some amusing exchanges and some that were less so. plus, despite being "panera bread" we were essentially out of bread. strange.
and today was boring.
if anyone can guess how much i spent on groceries today, within $5, you win.
bike ride breathe deeper
deeper
deeper still
lungs burn
hold it
hold it
release
muscles pulsing
uphill higher
higher
higher still
to the top
level out
release and coast
all the signs are lit
teasing
making you want what's inside
but nothing's open at this hour
they hope you'll still want it tomorrow
oh
and that bush up ahead?
that's not a bush at all
it's a crouching man
soon to be a pouncing man
and that tree up ahead?
it's not just a tree
it's a hiding place
maybe for a waiting man
release
up one flight, bike in hand
two locks, one key, all in the dark
up another flight
shower off sixteen hours of sweating
heart beats a bit farther apart
sleep
i narrowly escaped the whirlwind of lincoln and have returned to the land of my quiet routine life. my toes still have jeweled flowers on them, applied by a 100 pound asian woman courtesy of a groom's mother. also at that event, i picked pepperoni off my pizza. in my purse is a book that lisa read (almost) and a book abby will read (soon). on my wrist is a silver bracelet brought from mexico. on my feet are the sexiest shoes i have ever owned. i wore them on an evening when i watched a cob of corn be consumed in 30 seconds flat. that night, i left a big piece of ham on my plate. and the next day, a champagne satin ball gown kept my ribs in a most unnatural position for 12 hours. i danced like a chicken, but didn't eat any. lisa lisa micah micah joshy washy crystal mij and his little brother. and life was good and my friends got married and i did the macarena for possibly the last time in my life. it's good to be home. wherever that is.
i don't usually go shopping. buying things is supposed to feel good, but i usually manage to make myself feel guilty if i come home with anything i didn't specifically go to buy, which takes all the fun out of it. but sometimes, i just don't care. today i went to the mall to get an unnecessary skirt to go with an unnecessary shirt that i bought on sale last week "for the wedding rehearsal on friday." but i did not come home with one. instead, i got new jeans (which i actually needed), a black tank top (which i can convince myself i needed) and some crazy black pants with red piping that fit well and were $14.99 so who cares. then i hit kohls up later for my actual shopping agenda and now have four new articles of clothing and $80 less. it could have been worse. here is a question that arose out of my foray into westgate shoppingtown: why must every store have its own credit card? would you like to sign up for an express card today? you'll receive $95 in coupons every year. if you would like a kohls charge card, you can get 20% off your purchase. we'll send you information about lerner card savings in the mail if you sign up now. NO THANK YOU I AM NOT A SUCKER. also, those stores are all owned by the same people. evidence: i visited three stores of different target demographics and saw an identical pair of black pants with pink pinstripes. i am not making this up. it's all a conspiracy to get college students into credit card debt. well... just because you got my money today doesn't mean i will sell you my soul for a discount later. whew. i need to stay away from the mall for awhile.
happy birthday micah. i like lincoln.
posted by renee 6:55 PM
Monday, July 12, 2004
and on a muggy night in mid-july, nearly two years following her first venture into cyber-journaling, renee writes a remarkably uninspired 500th post.
posted by renee 9:28 PM
if you think you are cooler than most everyone you encounter, chances are most everyone you encounter disagrees.
and no matter how bad your life is, probably someone else's is worse.
posted by renee 12:15 AM
Saturday, July 10, 2004
i am going to move to chicago and work at a restaurant where you can be rude to customers. where the motto is "eat and get out." and when i'm old, i want to have long grey hair and be in a folk band with tom, who will also have long grey hair.
also, i always get sad when i find things that i know other people have lost. a single glove in a stairwell. a button on the floor. a shoe without its partner on an interstate exit. i know where it is and have no use for it, and someone else far away wishes they had it back.
caffine makes me happy. i'm going to read catch-22 for awhile and laugh myself to sleep.
posted by renee 11:48 PM
Friday, July 09, 2004
grilled cheese, when made with the correct types of bread and muenster and grilled with the correct amount of butter, can be mind-bogglingly good. the flavor is particularly enhanced when consumed with raspberry iced tea. the best thing is that you don't ever have to pay attention while it's toasting- the smoke detector will go off when it's done. only slightly crispy. mmmmmmm........
posted by renee 12:32 PM
too many people wake up every morning with a broken heart and try to forget about it every night so they can fall asleep. the world is a mean place and we're all emotionally anemic. we're built to love and don't deal well with pain. sometimes people are mean enough to you that you start returning the favor.
what goes around comes around.
or is it what comes around goes around?
if life gives you lemons, pass them on.
and some people just don't know how to let themselves be cared about. hiding won't make you better, it will make you worse. pretending you're not empty will not fill you. i sound trite but i mean it.
as a side note: sex, in the way it exists most often, is disgusting. also, it is not the point of our existance.
posted by renee 1:09 AM
Tuesday, July 06, 2004
hi. i would like to volunteer for your organization! oh, you'd like me to come observe a meeting on tuesday? wow, that sounds exciting. actually, i probably won't make it, though, because even though i look like i'm 20 years old, i'm actually 5. unfortunately i don't live with my mom anymore, so she can't wake me up. i guess i'll be sleeping then. call me some other time though! that would be great!
posted by renee 11:28 PM
Sunday, July 04, 2004
i am terrified of falling in love with someone who can't care for me as much as i care for them. i often choose to stifle my feelings because they make me vulnerable. to yearn for someone who does not yearn for you is a precarious position, indeed. but it is valuable to remember that there is One who loves me immeasurably more than i could ever love Him in return. i throw it back at His face so often. unfailing patience is a good quality to have in a God. thank goodness it doesn't depend on me.
posted by renee 1:14 PM
Thursday, July 01, 2004
today was the first really good day i've had in a long time. and the best thing about it is there was nothing in particular that happened to make it good. i was woken up by a call to come into work. i did. and everything was chaos, but for some reason if i'm there helping out instead of actually being on the schedule, i care much less. then i met with a guy from the place i'm volunteering. the project they're currently working on is with the hennepin county school board. they're rehashing their former method of dealing with truancy and have thrown together a makeshift committee to come up with a new plan. on tuesday we're going to meet with those people and go over the current brainstorm list of activities to promote student success. hooray for a meaningful way to spend my time. then i came home to my wonderful roommates. it seems like we've been spending a lot more time in the same room than usual. i like looking around and realizing that everyone who lives here is in the same place at the same time.
you know what else i like? that committee has three sets of double letters in it.
anyway, i am going to hold on to this new mood. clean the house because i'm energized, not because i'm feeling ineffective.
hi matt simmons. your name has double letters, too.
posted by renee 10:59 PM
