emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Friday, October 28, 2005

really. i wasn't joking. COME to the SHOW!

keep going on University past campus, past downtown, past Broadway, stop when you get to 13th. the 331 club. it's free. wear a costume. if it's really good, you might win an awesome prize. and even if your costume sucks, you still will get to hear awesome music. and my cello has a new fancy pick up!!!!!!!!

tomorrow (saturday) night. 9 pm. be there.

posted by renee 11:25 PM

sometimes i am mean to customer service people on the phone (see: one cell phone rep makes me get free telephone internet access for a month, which i promptly turn off and am charged for anyway, next cell phone rep i talk to fixes all these things and then asks me if i'd like free text messaging for a month...ARGH). of course i am not MEAN... i am simply... testy... maybe a little short... certainly blunt (as in: NO i do NOT want free text messaging because then i'll just have the same problem all over again!)

sometimes i hear other people talking on their cell phones to customer service people and i think they sound like jerks.

i hope i'm not a jerk.

in other news: the public transit system is a veritable zoo/buffet of germs. i feel like i should hold my breath for the whole 20 minute ride and not touch anything. unfortunately, my lung capacity is still weak due to pneumonia, and this is impossible.

also: i am good today. burdons a little lighter, life a little easier to manage, excited for UPS to come, and drinking lots and lots of tea. (mountain dew sounds repulsive - i may have overcome it after all!)

posted by renee 12:16 PM

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

we were a bit impulsive last night and bought one of these, now being shipped 2-day ups, and hopefully put to use on saturday. who knew i'd be the proud owner of my very own pre-amp at the ripe young age of 22...?

posted by renee 9:35 AM

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

my lungs feel like they're 2/3 full of baking flour. is that a bad sign?

posted by renee 1:01 PM

Sunday, October 23, 2005

remember childhood. in the kitchen, in the winter, standing by the heating vent. helping mom with cooking (most likely slowing her down, really). but rememeber how good that heat felt on your toes... mmm...

posted by renee 10:05 AM

Saturday, October 22, 2005

looking toward the empty space of the future
so many questions

in the present:
103.6 degree fever -> urgent care -> drawing blood -> chest x-ray?!? -> bacterial pneumonia -> big pink pills -> $20! (thank goodness for health insurance)

in the past:
depending on some factors, it may be mostly a lie

overall: many tears shed by a curled up ball of myself on the kitchen floor, often in the dark (fear/sadness/insanity caused by overheatedness)

posted by renee 10:36 PM

Thursday, October 20, 2005

skipped work today. nearly hacked up a lung, which, thanks to the science museum last week, i would have easily recognized. now my thermometer's broken... judging by the heat of my forehead and the shivers down my spine i would estimate 102 degrees.

and in this state of delirium, i went to a rehearsal dinner. more silly rich people, very nice for the most part. this conversation ensued....

two smiling bridesmaids: "so... tell us about the stripper!"
four terribly unblushing groomsmen: "ha ha... well, one was definitely hotter than the other one."
tsb: "tee hee... so why didn't you guys get a personal dance."
ftug: "whatever. $50? they weren't that hot."
friend of the bride: "so how much did it cost you? was it pretty pricy?"
sister of the groom: "actually, dad paid for it. how crazy is that!"
[dad; earlier: you know what, i've known you guys since you were all in second grade, and you really haven't changed that much. and i really love that about you guys."]

friend of the bride; later: "well, i know i'm going to make a lot of money, so i need someone who can keep up. i don't want to be the breadwinner."
two smiling bridesmaids; throughout evening: "he totally meets the minimum requirements... well, if he meets the minimum requirements, why don't you go for him... i don't really have many requirements...{smirk}...etc"
all: "i think the rules are pretty much going to be suspended for saturday..."

groom; later: "so, were there any of those guys that would work for you and hilary?"

me; entire time up until groom's question: BITE LIP. STARE AT WALL. DO NOT GO ON TIRADE. DO NOT GO ON TIRADE.

me; to groom: {mini, edited tirade}


conclusion: rich people are perhaps the most oblivious to the advances of women. it should make you ANGRY that boys you know get girls to take their clothes off for money. but i suppose you don't identify with those girls because they are as much objects to you {poor objects} as they are to those boys {female objects}.

i was barely able to contain myself, particularly due to my fever. this is not okay. not okay at all... going to bed. probably skipping work tomorrow, too.

posted by renee 10:01 PM

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

oh no!
i'm coughing.
but i'm drinking black chai
with a lemon.
i have so much work to do today.
oh no
oh no
oh no

p.s. when someone asks you to be in their wedding, don't answer. don't hesitate. don't even say no. just RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN! 30 hours and counting until rehersal for which i have received almost no information and certainly no music. quote from bride regarding worship song: "does Renee sing?" quote from roommate: "can you sing and play cello at the same time?"


concentrating on halloween show*. not worried about wedding which i could easily ruin due to last-minute nature of request to save it.

slurping down tea.

*shameless plug: come see us. it's free. i'm going to be a mechanic wearing red high heels and a curly ponytail. ha. 331 club. 13th and University NE. 9pm. October 29. just keep driving down university past campus, past panera, past broadway. stop at a bright orange building with fun seeping out the windows and doors. free street parking. nice bartenders. be there.

posted by renee 10:51 AM

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

inside. my hands on my lap?
my hands in my lap are warm. my hands on my desk?
my hands on my desk are frozen. my shins?
my shins are toasting. my cheeks?
my cheeks are rosy. my knees?
my knees are bouncing. outside?
outside it's beautiful.
no need for too cold overhead fan.
no need for too warm under desk heater.
no need for mittins.
just blue blue sky and crunchy crunchy new carpet underfoot.
where do you think i wish i was?

posted by renee 1:22 PM

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

1. mountaindewcicle!
2. professional athletes are not very well behaved. this should be surprising, but is not.
3. the more you say very strong words, the weaker they get.
4. hai una faccia di schiafo!
5. red x on right hand

6. if you were a girl and sometimes this boy walked past you, slowed down a little, then turned around and said something irrelevant, what would you think?

posted by renee 11:26 AM

conor oberst and some acoustic guitar playing girl last night (who looked a bit like him, really) on true love:

"i'd rather be working for a paycheck
then waiting to win the lottery
besides maybe this time it's different
i mean i really think you like me"

well... yes and no. i mean... i'd really rather win the lottery. wouldn't we all? the odds are against us, though, and waiting is no fun. but i really want a comfortable little house and some kids and a comfortable couch where i can watch movies with a comfortable man after the kids are in bed. to me, that would be winning the lottery. he just has to really like me a lot. sigh. back to work.

posted by renee 9:36 AM

Monday, October 10, 2005

next to an article entitled "South Asia quake victims wait for relief supplies;
Death toll between 20,000-30,000; looting breaks out in some areas" is a link to an MSN article about how to have "smouldering eyes."


in the fairy tale world beyond these borders
we watch these mythical disasters ensue
or we change the channel
and watch oprah instead

posted by renee 9:01 AM

Saturday, October 08, 2005

i don't like girls who whisper and then giggle. they make me feel like middle school.

so we are all cardboard cutouts of ourselves, at least some of the time. today my friend got married. she is an onion, all sorts of pain and resentment and anger and disappointment and fear wrapped in layers upon layers of tear-producing skin. but the man she married is up to the challenge of unwrapping it all. and they are so in love that they sound silly to most people around them.

because i love her, i wired and wrapped flowers, pinned corsages and curls, and played piano.

diagram that sentence for alliteration. breathtaking, really.

sometimes i laugh when i don't really feel like laughing. to be polite. i also am incapable of accepting compliments.

posted by renee 10:30 PM

Friday, October 07, 2005

if time really were money, i'd be ripping it into little pieces and using it as kindling right now.

in fact, maybe, if money were money, i'd be doing the same thing....

1. rich white people gathering at an art museum to drink white wine and pat each other on the backs for giving a tiny percentage of their great wealth to an agency that tries to help poor black people. they even invite a couple of poor black people who clean the building they bought the agency. they even give them some white wine.

2. poor white 14 year old girls ranting to a cop about getting the snot beat out of them by two black girls they don't even know and saying "this is why people are racist, because they go and do stupid stuff like this."

3. four young black men on the bus using the n-word loudly and pointedly and proving that they're men by talking about women like they're nothing and about other black men like they're gangsters when they're actually not.

4. typing. a single mother. first child born when she was fifteen. second when she was eighteen. third when she was nineteen. fourth when she was twenty three. fifth when she was twenty five. annual income: $9,743. who to blame.... ?

5. SO WHAT? i'm white and imagine myself as immune to poverty, so what do i even know about it, and even if i did know something what could i do?

6. nothing.

posted by renee 10:57 AM

Thursday, October 06, 2005

what story does this tell you?

Johnson, Andrea-------------Head---F---14-JAN-1980
Powers-Johnson, Tyler------Son----M---22-OCT-1995
Young-Johnson, Michael-----Son----M---3-MAR-1999
Underwood-Johnson, Brynn-Datr---F---17-JUL-2000
Johnson, Teresa--------------Datr---F---30-SEP-2003

names changed to protect the... innocent?
i wonder who the father of the last one is, or if she knows.

posted by renee 12:16 PM

Wednesday, October 05, 2005

my favorite song is saeglopur, by sigur ros.

of all time.

i have very little doubt about this.

posted by renee 9:33 AM

Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Scientists zero in on anorexia, bulimia genes

"Though cultural pressures to be thin are thought to contribute to anorexia and bulimia, research on families and twins indicates eating disorders have strong genetic influences. For example, women with a mother or sister with a history of anorexia have elevated risks of anorexia and bulimia."

someone will read that today and believe it. as if the only relationship between a girl and her female relatives is biological. give me a break.


Tom DeLay - you had it comin'
Harriet Miers - people hate him, not you. but for goodness sakes....

if you voted for bush only because he's pro-life, this should make you feel the tiniest bit silly.

posted by renee 9:33 AM

Monday, October 03, 2005













get it? like a sheep.

hurts. can't talk about it right now.

posted by renee 4:21 PM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!