emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Sunday, October 26, 2008

when something small is lost
there are two ways of searching
the first is riskier
you scratch the surface of every possible place
maybe discovering the treasure quickly
but more likely missing it the first time around
digging deeper on each successive round of the hunt


you can be methodical
becoming absolutely certain that the thing you seek
is not hiding in a deep corner of each place you look
this takes far longer, but does not require repetition

and it is the same way with peace and meaning
the desperate half attempts, giving up when it isn't easy
moving to the next place, the next distraction

may just be avoidance
the grasping at vain hopes that it still could be lurking just deeper
here or there
and you may find it on the next attempt

but really all along
it has been where you refuse to look
right at the surface

and i am at peace in new hampshire. embracing this wilderness reality. being quiet. a cup of coffee and bon iver and solitude and my amazing friends nearby.

but i have to do my homework now. i'm tempted to hack through it quickly and get back to the fun, but i know i'd regret that later. knowing the world is full of infinite possibilities is helping. new york was amazing, some good shows, and people who loved us. doors opening left and right. and the city vacation ended at just the right time for the country escape, playing for teenagers in small towns in new england. and brian's mom feeding us incredibly. and bon iver meets me here.

i want to hide in the countryside
i want to melt in a crowd
i want to make music

posted by renee 4:50 PM

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


a burgeoning supply of inside jokes
a dwindling supply of sleeeeeeep
fancy pants apartments just off the promenade
or sleeping in the van with eight people (air freshener, please)

figuring out who we are, what it is, where to go.

i don't pay attention on the subway anymore, as it seems to normally just work out fine. look up at the last minute and realize it's my stop. tempting fate.

coffee can substitute for sleep only to a certain degree. i have discovered that degree. seen the wrong side of five in the morning for the first few of a long string of days.

self-marketing is the crux of most forms of success.

posted by renee 4:16 PM

Thursday, October 16, 2008

ruins the delight
of anticipation

posted by renee 12:05 PM

Monday, October 13, 2008

put my economy team cd in the gap band case.

not sure who i'm becoming.

i don't have time for all this.

head retracting into shell now.

i can't wait for tour so i can get away for five minutes and think.

right. like i'm going to have good quality thinking time while getting my brains rocked out of my skull every night and am squished in a rickety old van with 8 other people the rest of the time.

i'm at city hall right now. wish i wasn't.

back to work.

(p.s. punctuation)

posted by renee 11:01 PM

Friday, October 10, 2008

posted by renee 10:34 AM

Monday, October 06, 2008

mixed metaphors about the bailout.... franken wins.

Senate Candidate Al Franken:

"The way I look at this is we were trying to drain a basement that's filled with water and it's raining out and we have a roof with a huge hole in it and we're draining the basement without fixing the roof. We needed to fix the roof, here."

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi:

"The administration came to see us and they lifted a rock and under that rock we saw lots of vermin. We have started to address it in this legislation."

Sen. Amy Klobuchar:

"Wall Street basically is the one thing I agree with Bush on. Last summer, he said they were, like, drunk and now they have a hangover and the problem is the American people are being called in when they weren't invited to the party to clean up the furniture."

Sen. Richard Shelby:

"And they haven't even said today that this will end the crisis. They said this will lubricate the financial markets if we take the financial sludge, as we call it, off the books of the banks."

Warren Buffet:

"In the credit markets, it's like nothing I've ever seen. It really is an economic Pearl Harbor. We have never seen anything like this."

posted by renee 1:42 PM

Sunday, October 05, 2008

1. was pitchfork's pan of the new kings of leon warranted? i kind of really like it....

2. the sky and i, we share something. it dips and soars, smooths over and tears up, calms and fights and i follow behind with no attempts at resistance these days. i should not move to seattle. today i wrote:

i could just look to the meteorologist
to predict my future mood
and it's overcast as the summer bites the dust
my head is clouded with thoughts of endings and you

(G, F, Cm)

3. in the end, i have no idea whatsoever what i'm looking for, which means sitting comfortably in the present is the best i could possibly do for myself. keeping at it. even in the first really gloomy day of october.

posted by renee 6:15 PM

Saturday, October 04, 2008

my favorite quote from the post veep debate press:

{set up}
"Conservatives must be breathing a little easier tonight because Sarah Palin passed a test," Donna Brazile said on ABC. "She did her homework. ... Overall, there were no moose in the headlight moments."
Greenfield used the same analogy, substituting deer for moose.

you, david bauder, whoever you are, get a D on that journalism assignment.

posted by renee 12:12 AM

Friday, October 03, 2008

the windows are closed now,
radiators glow warm
and sounds of outside life
muffled to nothing
leaving me alone with myself
to peel back layers
of attempts at identity
getting more to the core of it
the definition
the truth

the painstaking progress
turns the silence to ever-growing
building as i shrink
to my smallest, best self

coal pressed to diamond
impurities stripped away

yet i long to crack the windows back open
just to let in the faintest chill
of october
and keep these bad parts of me
that are being finally
crushed to nothing

posted by renee 1:53 AM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!