emancipated dissonance from the desk of renee ann

emancipated dissonance

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

madonna is good.

i like days at work where i arrive in the morning and there are piles of things to do, and i know how to do them, and when i leave, they're done.

guidance counselors were not that useful in high school. all they did was tell me i should apply for lots of independent scholarships, none of which i won. in college, i mostly figured everything out on my own, and although my "academic advisor" was occasionally helpful, she mostly just interpreted the poorly designed computer printouts of my progress.

NOW is when i need a guidance counselor. in high school, the next step was obviously to go to college. in college, it was very likely that i should try to get a job upon graduating. now i have a job and i have no idea what to do next or how to go about it. there MUST be money somewhere that someone would like to give me to do SOMETHING useful that i would enjoy. but how to find that person or that money or where i'll need to go once i have it i have no clue how to figure out.

i'll have you know that i did not misspell a single word in that post.

posted by renee 8:35 AM

Monday, February 27, 2006

there is a yoga position that some people call "happy baby" and some people call "dead bug"


posted by renee 2:04 PM

i am
occasionally THOUGHTLESS

and it is because i haven't been reading my Bible enough.

posted by renee 10:47 AM

Saturday, February 25, 2006

there are two reasons to marry someone:

1. passion
2. logistics

i believe in the first at the cost of a good chunk of the second sometimes. as i get older, the function of marriage starts to seem to lean more heavily on the logistical compatibility of the two people involved than on the passion.

i am still young enough that i'm a little sad about that.

posted by renee 9:30 PM

Friday, February 24, 2006

in the winter, any skin exposed to the air gets dry.
including lips and hands.

therefore, one wears mittins and chapstick.

but, if one has long hair, which is useful in keeping warm, it will, no doubt, get stuck to one's chapstick.

and one will not be able to get it unstuck, because one is wearing mittins.

REASON # 117 why i HATE winter

posted by renee 10:59 AM

Thursday, February 23, 2006

i forgot to post about this but was reminded today when:

a car was waiting to turn left onto a one-way at a red light
there was a single car coming toward the green light, going straight
the car waiting to turn sat until
the car coming straight was virtually in the intersection
and then zipped out right in front of him
cutting him off

and that reminded me that:

a few weeks ago, an old lady SHOOK HER FIST AT ME
when i crossed the street walking
even though i had the right of way

guess you had to be there....

posted by renee 12:50 PM

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

i did it. i bought the ticket.

step one: fly to NYC
step two: fly to Lincoln
step three: be in wedding
step four: buy vehicle
step five: drive home

hee hee.... i hope this works...

posted by renee 11:15 AM

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

yesterday i wanted to run away
to buy a one way plane ticket
to someplace, anyplace, with a coast
so i could sit
and look out at sunrises over the ocean
or sunsets
or both, if it was an island

it is completely oppressive to have to work 40 hours a week
at a specific time of day
in a specific location
in order to survive
i've only been doing it for eight months and frankly,
i've had about enough

i need the kind of job
that can be done anywhere
at the time of day i choose
i think that i would be surprisingly productive if given that option

plus: i need something to ground me at all times
a specific emotion that i can look at and find rational
or look at and not care if it's rational, just really feel it
but i don't have any of that right now
floating floating floating

AND: i wanted to write a poem
about how i like to clean the whole house
top to bottom
floors, gleaming
windows, sparkling
countertops, crumbless
but i like to leave
one dirty cup
next to the sink
just as proof
that someone lives here

but i wanted it to rhyme and didn't have enough patience to figure it out. so i didn't write it at all.

i need a vacation.

posted by renee 1:15 PM

Friday, February 17, 2006

it's cold.
nose-hair-cicle cold.
walk-out-of-LoTo-and-your-coffee-goes-100-degrees-to-32-in-half-a-second cold.
observe-the-amazing-hairless-monkey's-capacity-for-survival cold.
(except the energy wasters who drive their heated cars from heated garage to heated garage, probably wearing several items made from material that used to keep animals warm, just for overkill)

AND, on the intellectual horizon, noticing that many of my friends are remarkably upwardly mobile and i am not. i think i'm okay with that. but new cars and condos and international internships are so completely not in my line of vision....

posted by renee 8:33 AM

Thursday, February 16, 2006

eating hummus and pita and drinking coffee
plotting to buy a one way plane ticket and a car
thinking from a public health perspective, it is ridiculous to refuse to educate kids about STDs and pregnancy if you're pro-life. i'd rather they used condoms than abortion, to be perfectly frank
wondering if it'd be crazy to get a tattoo... of the continents?

posted by renee 9:15 AM

Wednesday, February 15, 2006


No kidding, folks, several hours before he "accidentally" shot a fellow hunter, Vice President Dick Cheney consumed a BEER!

What is this country coming to? Is this a place where our elected leaders, by their example, condone reckless gun use and random acts of drunken violence against friends? Or is it a place that CANNOT THINK OF ANYTHING REMOTELY WORTH WRITING A NEWS ARTICLE ABOUT?!

posted by renee 3:59 PM

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

my perfect valentine's day date would be horseback riding through the country (not a trail ride) and having a picnic by a pond somewhere, preferably in the mountains.

therefore my perfect valentine's day would need to be in june.

posted by renee 4:43 PM

so many disjointed things.... unable to pick just one...

those baby corns that you put in stir fry are related to regular corn, which was grown by the aztecs, not the chinese. if you are single on valentine's day, wear frilly underwear and a pink sweater and heart socks and good smelling something and make a heart shaped pizza. potatoes are native to south america, not ireland. valentine's day is getting to be more like christmas every year - so far i've gotten a phone call, a text message, a single red rose from my drummer, two packages, innumerable chocolates and $5 from my grandma and it's not even 9:00 am on the day of yet. when you think of mexican food, you think of cheese and beans, probably - but cheese started in the east, moved gradually toward the atlantic ocean, becoming a refined art in europe and didn't get to central america until much later. if you're a couple on valentine's day, feel a little silly for celebrating a holiday manufactured by card and flower companies... but then feel better because all those people who own little flower shops rely on valentine's day to make it through the year. in conclusion, the answer to the question "who really invented pizza?" is "who cares?"

posted by renee 8:27 AM

Monday, February 13, 2006

three items

one: there is a tulip on my desk in a pretty green bottle. happy valentine's day. (also: i would like to point out that there is a dove chocolate that says "be your own valentine" on the inside of the foil wrapper and i have gotten that one THREE TIMES)

two: i love the kind of joy that makes you call people to tell them about it when sunday has turned to monday and the average worker has been asleep for half a REM cycle already...

three: it is incredible to me how many property owners are incapable of following simple instructions. in bold type, the letter said "please sign and date both copies of the contract ammendment. keep one copy for your records and return the other to our office by february 17, 2006." it did NOT say "please return both copies," "please rip off the back page of one of the copies and send it back" or "please scribble profanity on both copies, burn them, using the smoke to attempt to communicate with your ancestors and then call our office and berate us for not sending you money."

posted by renee 10:20 AM

Thursday, February 09, 2006

nothing NOTHING would satisfy me now
except exactly the right words
pouring out to say something SOMETHING
but they stay locked inside

what i said before about boring people
and how i don't like them...
well, that was a lie... kind of
because really, no one's boring

sometimes people have an aura of boring
(maybe it's on purpose! because they're scared!)
but deep deep deep deep deep under it all
they have interesting reactions to certain scents

they really loved someone once but never told them
they hurt so much they can't tell anyone at all
they get great pleasure from being simple and methodical
(they put chipotle sauce in their kraft mac & cheese!!)

and no matter who they are, that core is there
the place where they feel things
and sometimes SOMETIMES
all it takes is patience

posted by renee 12:23 PM

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

boys are not all the same and i don't really hate them.

the problem with people in general is that they are selfish and impatient. THEREFORE: bad decisions are made about the environment, the economy, business in general, health in general and myriad other things.

pres bush on the danish comic incident: "budee budee budee don't be violent folks"

posted by renee 3:54 PM

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

boys are all the same and i hate them.

posted by renee 11:55 PM

Monday, February 06, 2006

okay, i swear this is the last entry of the day, but this guy basically summed up exactly what i thought about the superbowl accessories...

posted by renee 4:51 PM

there's a guy and he gets married and both he and his wife have no money in the bank, but each owns a duplex. they double mortgage their property as well as taking out business loans in order to start their own business. they work very hard for eight years. then he sells the business for $37 million dollars and they go on a three year long trip around the world.

really? yes. you, too, if you had a good business head and the right idea at the right time, could be independently wealthy in eight years. that sure seems like money growing on trees to me.

posted by renee 4:21 PM

AND, i almost forgot:

i love being a girl, but i HATE that it is still winter. i might throw myself off a bridge soon if i don't get some serious sunlight.

posted by renee 9:46 AM

things to know:

i hate wasting things. paper, small bits of string, food, and time.
i strongly believe in making things from scratch, or as close to scratch as you can get, including dresses, bread, bracelets, pizza, dishes, purses, and ipod socks.
i strongly believe in striving for purity in most things, which may have something to do with making things from scratch. preservatives are bad. bleached flour is bad. unnaturally decaffeinated coffee is bad. sweatshops are mostly bad. sugar is better than high fructose corn syrup even though the latter has the name of a vegetable in it. in fact, most foods that come straight from the earth are better for you before they're cooked. no, i was not a nutrition minor.
i can make no sense of my introvert/extrovert sensibilities. sometimes i am both at the same time.

posted by renee 9:19 AM

Friday, February 03, 2006

sometimes the whole world full of problems comes crashing onto my shoulders at once.
the unloved kids. the unwed mothers. the tv watching social security beneficiaries.
the repercussions of racism. the self-pitying down-and-outers. the impoverished grandmothers.
the three hundred pounders.
and what the heck am i supposed to do when that happens?
reminding myself that my life is okay, that i'm doing fine, only makes it worse.
so i listen to mono on the bus, surrounded by examples of all those, and try not to cry.
and i come home, curl into a tiny ball on the couch in the dark and wait for it to pass.

posted by renee 8:49 AM


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my band(mates)
thomas built the wall
casey on the drums

other friends
joa jean
nate t
nate b
the MAN i hate
my ex-neighbor

some i wish were my friends

music i listen to
band of horses
zoe keating
rilo kiley
(jenny lewis)
mr 1986
regina spektor
iron & wine
the new pornographers
radio on
the combo
emiliana torrini
sigur ros
nickel creek
trampled by turtles
the hold steady
the decemberists
del the funky homosapien
death cab
tv on the radio

the guys that review it
jason (in a kilt)
peter c

and the places to hear it
the fine line
varsity theater
the 400 bar
first avenue

found magazine
my pottery teacher
my favorite designer
aesthetic apparatus
the friendly stegosaurus

railroad illusions
we'll go sit on a coal car
bask in the soft light
and dream of a someday
simpler than this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from fluorescent lights

we'll go lay on a rooftop
breathe in the sweet smoke
and talk of a place that’s
so far from this one

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from conditioned air

we'll get lost under covers
smile at our trite words
and fall for a vision
so far from the truth

take a walk with me tonight, my dear
away from complications
away from the flightless facts

LEMUR is the answer!!