when something small is lost there are two ways of searching the first is riskier you scratch the surface of every possible place maybe discovering the treasure quickly but more likely missing it the first time around digging deeper on each successive round of the hunt
or
you can be methodical becoming absolutely certain that the thing you seek is not hiding in a deep corner of each place you look this takes far longer, but does not require repetition
and it is the same way with peace and meaning the desperate half attempts, giving up when it isn't easy moving to the next place, the next distraction
may just be avoidance the grasping at vain hopes that it still could be lurking just deeper here or there and you may find it on the next attempt
but really all along it has been where you refuse to look right at the surface
and i am at peace in new hampshire. embracing this wilderness reality. being quiet. a cup of coffee and bon iver and solitude and my amazing friends nearby.
but i have to do my homework now. i'm tempted to hack through it quickly and get back to the fun, but i know i'd regret that later. knowing the world is full of infinite possibilities is helping. new york was amazing, some good shows, and people who loved us. doors opening left and right. and the city vacation ended at just the right time for the country escape, playing for teenagers in small towns in new england. and brian's mom feeding us incredibly. and bon iver meets me here.
i want to hide in the countryside i want to melt in a crowd i want to make music
posted by renee 4:50 PM
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
tourrrrrring
a burgeoning supply of inside jokes a dwindling supply of sleeeeeeep fancy pants apartments just off the promenade or sleeping in the van with eight people (air freshener, please)
figuring out who we are, what it is, where to go.
i don't pay attention on the subway anymore, as it seems to normally just work out fine. look up at the last minute and realize it's my stop. tempting fate.
coffee can substitute for sleep only to a certain degree. i have discovered that degree. seen the wrong side of five in the morning for the first few of a long string of days.
self-marketing is the crux of most forms of success.
posted by renee 4:16 PM
Thursday, October 16, 2008
impatience ruins the delight of anticipation
posted by renee 12:05 PM
Monday, October 13, 2008
put my economy team cd in the gap band case.
not sure who i'm becoming.
i don't have time for all this.
head retracting into shell now.
i can't wait for tour so i can get away for five minutes and think.
right. like i'm going to have good quality thinking time while getting my brains rocked out of my skull every night and am squished in a rickety old van with 8 other people the rest of the time.
mixed metaphors about the bailout.... franken wins.
Senate Candidate Al Franken:
"The way I look at this is we were trying to drain a basement that's filled with water and it's raining out and we have a roof with a huge hole in it and we're draining the basement without fixing the roof. We needed to fix the roof, here."
House Speaker Nancy Pelosi:
"The administration came to see us and they lifted a rock and under that rock we saw lots of vermin. We have started to address it in this legislation."
Sen. Amy Klobuchar:
"Wall Street basically is the one thing I agree with Bush on. Last summer, he said they were, like, drunk and now they have a hangover and the problem is the American people are being called in when they weren't invited to the party to clean up the furniture."
Sen. Richard Shelby:
"And they haven't even said today that this will end the crisis. They said this will lubricate the financial markets if we take the financial sludge, as we call it, off the books of the banks."
Warren Buffet:
"In the credit markets, it's like nothing I've ever seen. It really is an economic Pearl Harbor. We have never seen anything like this."
posted by renee 1:42 PM
Sunday, October 05, 2008
1. was pitchfork's pan of the new kings of leon warranted? i kind of really like it....
2. the sky and i, we share something. it dips and soars, smooths over and tears up, calms and fights and i follow behind with no attempts at resistance these days. i should not move to seattle. today i wrote:
i could just look to the meteorologist to predict my future mood and it's overcast as the summer bites the dust my head is clouded with thoughts of endings and you
(G, F, Cm)
3. in the end, i have no idea whatsoever what i'm looking for, which means sitting comfortably in the present is the best i could possibly do for myself. keeping at it. even in the first really gloomy day of october.
posted by renee 6:15 PM
Saturday, October 04, 2008
my favorite quote from the post veep debate press:
{set up} "Conservatives must be breathing a little easier tonight because Sarah Palin passed a test," Donna Brazile said on ABC. "She did her homework. ... Overall, there were no moose in the headlight moments." {kicker} Greenfield used the same analogy, substituting deer for moose.
you, david bauder, whoever you are, get a D on that journalism assignment.
posted by renee 12:12 AM
Friday, October 03, 2008
the windows are closed now, radiators glow warm and sounds of outside life muffled to nothing disappear leaving me alone with myself to peel back layers of attempts at identity getting more to the core of it the definition the truth
the painstaking progress turns the silence to ever-growing pressure building as i shrink to my smallest, best self
coal pressed to diamond impurities stripped away
yet i long to crack the windows back open just to let in the faintest chill of october and keep these bad parts of me that are being finally terribly crushed to nothing
posted by renee 1:53 AM
