when a note is long as the cellist draws her bow —slow and warms the pitch with her left hand loving the string with her fingertip there is time to let the sound fill and rise—fill the well of you time to notice the longing for a note that may follow time to anticipate—time to know the tingling in your limbs for thoughts of music yet to come
I wrote a poem about patience. Then I watched the evening breeze breathe in my curtains, and I wondered how something so gentle and sweet to the skin can be so cruel--to bring, in silent softness, the end of a day I want to keep, if only a few hours more.
Grasping wildly for the future before me and for my vanished past, it's a wonder I'm not torn apart.
thanks for being who you are, my abigail. i love you more than i can say. and i will pray some patience your direction.
posted by renee 5:26 PM
Monday, August 25, 2008
sometimes it takes all i have to fight off the disease of comfort.
posted by renee 11:52 AM
Thursday, August 14, 2008
"Things were better back when they were worse."
This is a video from an old TED conference about why we're all so unhappy.... we have too many choices, it turns out. Every time you pick something over all the other options, you are all too aware of the good qualities of all the things you're giving up. You also have really high expectations because of the seemingly limitless options available to you. The perfect thing is surely out there somewhere, all you have to do is find it - which means that every time you're unhappy with the results, you've got no one to blame but yourself.
All I know is buying shampoo is a very stressful experience these days, and I generally should not be allowed to go to the grocery store without a helper. It's worth watching the whole thing if you've got time.
... and sorry about the weird echo image - i am not geeky enough to figure out why it's doing that...
posted by renee 5:01 PM
Wednesday, August 13, 2008
tie the ends of the spectrum up in a pretty knot where hate is love and knowing is an empty thought
i'm not afraid of the fearsome depths but cower to your shining faces i shall not run when you unleash threats but lift me high and i'll leave no trace behind
you betray yourself with humility you redeem yourself with pride on mountain tops in the open air it's hard to breathe it's hardest to see with open eyes and i'm blind
the door is wide to let in joy but cannot make it stay by your search for truth you will be destroyed and everything's still gray in my mind
080808080808080808080808080808080808080808080
i need: a year. with people around me that i trust. to start from scratch. grow new roots in determined discipline. fast and pray. and i need a piano there and a way to record it. and i need to do it soon.
posted by renee 5:53 PM
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
2008
problem: something is wrong. solution: make a power point.
posted by renee 3:47 PM
Monday, August 11, 2008
a long time ago, someone wrote me this:
Once we get to the root of your ideology based on your religious beliefs and conditioning, we can dig deeper and find that it all is a deception designed to control your mind, body, and soul.
and yesterday, my bandmate told me that aliens talk to him and are watching us and waiting to just see what we will do and are often weighing the possibility of going ahead and blowing us all up rather than just waiting for us to do it ourselves. the solution is not to get a 9-to-5 but to expect something more than material security.
also, music is risky, risky business.
thanks to everyone who made it out for my infinity birthday. i felt loved.
posted by renee 11:41 AM
days of sleeping on the ground rain pounding on my fabric ceiling the clearing of clouds revealing thousands of thousands of pinpricks in the fabric ceiling of the earth
back where we seem to rule it drops roll off shingles my bed is falsely soft an absurd luxury faces again get scrubbed and painted and the face of the sky is blank and empty
posted by renee 9:10 AM
