the swingyness of my moods is getting out of control. one minute i am full of joy, the next, brimming with despair. and i'm quite certain that neither is particularly accurate.
this weekend, boys cooked dinner for me two nights in a row i wrote another in a short line of four-digit checks one house was emptied of decorations, furniture, and finally, dust another was filled with boxes, futons, and fully made beds and i sweated and bruised myself and drove my new car around with the moon roof open
and an old man died who wasn't exactly my grandfather, but close enough that i still feel bad i can't be around.
so i'll just wrap myself in an old familiar song and the sunshine and the rest will fade away
posted by renee 12:58 PM
Thursday, May 25, 2006
a series
-1- i know a girl who is extraordinarily beautiful when you say just the right thing her eyes twinkle and her laugh makes you feel like a million bucks but usually she makes me nervous so i say just the wrong thing and i think i understand how boys feel
-2- a building old with a carved marble slab over the door "telephone building" in a serif font and on the stoop telephone books a dozen or so damp from the rain abandoned
-3- on a day when i resent my job i get on an elevator with a cart of files next to a middle aged man in work boots and jeans carrying a ladder the doors close and he looks over at me and says "you have a great job" i roll my eyes and make a snide remark but he says "well, it's better than mine" and i realize that i am blessed
-4- this tiny black fuzz ball of a cat (not unlikely to be killed by curiosity) examines the perimiters in his cardboard box cage he jumps and misses tries another angle and misses again and eventually escapes (helped by his muscle to weight ratio) i pick him up after awhile but he has too much energy and decides to jump off my lap back into the box
(and just now he put one itty bitty paw on my foot and looked up at me as if he wanted to get my attention)
posted by renee 9:33 PM
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
yesterday a boy said to me “last night she told me she doesn’t think i appreciate her” i asked “do you appreciate her?” he said “beats me”
and today, a list of boring tasks feels like another insult to my intelligence and value, on top of yesterday’s pay cut.
posted by renee 3:32 PM
Tuesday, May 23, 2006
i can certainly not be expected to keep up emotionally with all these external stimuli.
it's time to get a new job.
posted by renee 8:34 PM
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
mrephft
i left a strange partial sentence in my last entry because living life got in the way of writing about it. as it should.
what a week. my abbygirl has gone and taken the world by its tail, it seems. or at least new york.
i ate very well, which was marvelous. (magnolia bakery cupcakes, like sugar clouds) (caravan of dreams, dreamy indeed) (boyfriend-baked-bread, DEE LISH)
and me and that girl we didn't run out of things to talk about for six days straight.
and the weatherman he was wrong wrong wrong
i wish i could always be on vacation
posted by renee 8:40 PM
Friday, May 12, 2006
some thoughts on airports: 1.) they are like the paranthetical statements of large cities, necessary but not really a part of the rest. although locals make up a if i hadn't gotten to fly standby on an earlier flight yesterday, i would have started to worry that i have spent more time awake in ohare airport than in the rest of chicago. that's probably an exaggeration, but i'm looking for justification for going to lollapalooza in august....
2.) they are totally impersonal. i had the feeling while sitting in the bathroom, listening to the noises of people coming in and out, and all of them in a terrible hurry, that i could stay in there for hours and no one would notice.
3.) whoo hooooo! i'm in nyc!
posted by renee 7:15 AM
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
today i packed up cleaned up locked up my office
tomorrow i sit on a train sit in an airport sit on a plane sit in an airport sit on a plane sit on a bus sit on a train to brooklyn
THEN the met and moma and miriam and abby and gabe and a snake and indian food and vegan food and covertly visiting grad schools
and imagining living only ONE train from abby instead of two planes and three trains
if you're bored during the day tomorrow, call me. i'll be wandering ohare, where i've spent some of the longest hours of my life. i hope i don't forget anything important.
posted by renee 9:55 PM
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
1. there is something about the experience of seeing sigur ros live (which is now redeemed for me) that is a very important piece of how i might explain myself if i had to try. i could maybe put it into words now, but it seems to cheapen it.
2. i leave for new york city in 47.5 hours and counting.
3. i'm weary of wanting. but the only way to overcome it is to DO (not GET).
p.s. if you are feeling sick and you ask me to do something, i will TOTALLY do it.
posted by renee 11:00 AM
Monday, May 08, 2006
yesterday was full of cooking, yoga, the library, and a dinner party that, if i do say so myself, was a smashing success.
--it's nice to realize how many great people you know. --at yoga, during a forward bend, i noticed a piece of parsley on my toenail. --cooking can bring me out of the foulest mood. especially cooking with music on loud in the background. --i'm totally trying to accomplish too many things at once, and i know i'm going to miserably fail at at least one of them. the following must be completed within three weeks. -----preparing items at work for me to be absent for two weeks -----planning bridal shower (emails?) -----wedding (four bridesmaids hair, wedding present, bridesmaid's dress) -----miscellaneous parental holidays -----somebody southern's birthday -----visiting three graduate schools (email more faculty)and nycha -----having a new york vacation (switching flight?) -----moving out of my office building and into a new office building (may 22) -----moving out of my house and into a new house (may 28) -----cleaning up after a year of living in old house -----buying a vehicle (securing loan, purchasing insurance, licensing vehicle, passing written test to obtain minnesota driver's license, adjusting finances) -----DON'T FORGET: pedometer curling irons/hair gunk black dress black shoes cell phone cell phone charger ipod ipod charger library books (the secret life of bees?) resume?
posted by renee 8:47 AM
Sunday, May 07, 2006
we're moving out of our house in three weeks and there is a ping pong table we inherited upon moving in that we don't have room for in our new basement...
anybody want a ping pong table of relatively poor quality? a brand new net and some paddles and balls would be included... we would just reserve the right to come play occasionally...
c'mon... you know you want it...
PLUS: there is a small black kitten in the hood of my sweatshirt. it makes me think of emily and her rat. his (her?) name was mister sparkles. he had a stroke and died at the manvel house, which, by the way, is STILL for rent! ha ha ha ha ha ha
i'm going to make a greek feast with my friends this evening and drink some greek beer and/or greek wine. hooray for people who are going to have babies.
p.s. how do high-altitute recipies translate to low altitute cooking? i think i might stick with my tried and true recipie instead.
posted by renee 10:47 AM
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
a revision to the theory on gym-goer-narcissism
while frequenters of your local work-out emporium may very well become somewhat narcissistic over a period of time due to desirable changes in their bodies, there is very often a corresponding increase in insecurity related to number of work outs. this is due to the phenomenon of the "hot gym girl." when she walks in, all heads turn. males for obvious reasons and females because, in general, they are there because they want to mold their bodies into something more ideal. "hot gym girl" represents this ideal and likes to flaunt it by purchasing name brand spandex and wearing sweatproof eyeliner and lip gloss to exercise. most often, her most envied attribute is her chisled abs, which she reveals on purpose because she knows that they are flawless. she comes to the gym every once in awhile just for the ego boost and her actual work out is only a secondary motivation. really, she can't even help having those abs and she of course always claims that she can eat whatever she wants.
i'm not sure how the effect works with men, but you know that no matter how big those biceps get, somebody else is going to walk in and show you up eventually.
so overall, the effect of regular gym attendance depends significantly on a person's level of competitiveness. if you're constantly on the lookout for someone who looks more like a magazine cover than you do, the experience will likely be detrimental to your self-esteem overall.
on the other extreme, you become a lout who flexes while directing someone to the drinking fountain and glances at yourself in the mirror while doing so.
it is late. i just watched hustle and flow. you know, i think it probably really is hard out here for a pimp. or whatever.
posted by renee 11:22 PM
at work i have a jar of applesauce and i eat straight from the jar at my desk.
i like blackalicious, but by any other name, they wouldn't be quite as sweet.
because we are moving offices, we've hired a moving company. there are lots of big men around. this is amusing, because my office is 90% women.
casey says that everyone who works out regularly is at least a little bit narcissistic. it begins with watching themselves progress as it is reflected by changes in their bodies. eventually, when a person starts achieving visible goals, they're just admiring themselves, really.
they do have a lot of mirrors at gyms, in general.
posted by renee 9:47 AM
Tuesday, May 02, 2006
balancing act
i will never be a good wife if i cannot let go of some of this emphasis on -what i deserve -what i want -what i need -what i am owed -what is fair
however, i need to hold on to enough of that to choose a good husband.
that sounds relatively impossible.
posted by renee 9:29 AM
Monday, May 01, 2006
those squirmy worms with their salt-grain brains when those wormies squirm out on the sidewalk, when it rains
where do they think they're going?
those birdie lunches out on the concrete, drying when the birdie munches they're baking, chewed, and dying
where did they think they were going?
posted by renee 8:58 AM
