to be young is inevitably to idolize one's youngness. we do not understand the frailty of our bodies or that they are already decaying we have not yet been faced with many (or any) hopes for our futures that will never be fulfilled or were met for a short time and then revoked for good and no matter what disappointment or hurt we have encountered we are not yet defeated
and, i might argue, we have no idea what it really means to depend on God
posted by renee 4:45 PM
Monday, January 30, 2006
this weekend i had roommate reunions was overwhelmed by too many women in one room ...new rule: three women are my limit when there are no men present. examined orchids early in the morning at a conservatory ...they are the most diverse plant on earth ...some of them look like slippers ...some of them look like plastic ...some of them are too small to see without a microscope! observed a very well done haircut. it is a mysterious art... went shopping and bought ...a flask with a name engraved on it ...tall black boots ($105 off!) ...patterned tights and tried on ...one of the most beautiful dresses i have ever worn ($125.... back on the rack) attended two birthday parties in the same night ...and ordered a tiny bottle of spumante. in the menu it said "asti." it was really from california. went to church covered a christmas tree with plastic bags and stuffed it in a van ...it looked like a corpse... kind of... went to yoga went shopping and bought ...nothing rented six movies, none of which i'd ever heard of before talked to l watched one of the movies
oh, and don't worry yiling. i fed a happy hoppy bunny twice and watered plants....
posted by renee 9:03 AM
Thursday, January 26, 2006
hmraphftzclypsnogundvebijx
that's the whole alphabet. i'm going to go do my budget and read and drink tea at panera even though i'm "the most immobile person in the twin cities" shut up. who needs a car?
posted by renee 8:00 PM
i just made a long list of things i am excited about. you should make one, too. i noticed that as i went, i started adding more and more exclamation points...
pottery classes oil painting knitting cello piano cooking (risotto! asian food! curry! soup!) baking (bread! desserts! pizza!) language classes creative writing: lyrics? a book? working out: lifting and running? vegetarianism herb garden regular garden (rachel!) fresh flowers credit union! graduate school reading - cookie and tea : ) big raise at work! my band! tennis? table tennis? buying a house?! (car?) ipod! - music!!!!! dancing!! dance class? budget! : ) italy - new york - the world?
your eyes are so vacant and your face so lovely i think i know how it would sink in a man's stomach to want you: to need you but because i am a woman i can see the depth of you more easily and how you're never going to come out and how the occasional smile bright with sincerity and tempting hope to stay a little longer will always fade again because you'd rather be lost
it's prettier to you
and, if they were honest, to those forlorn lovers, too
i like that sculpture at mia that depicts a boy feeding water to a big bird of prey. i like that, even though i'm now an infrequent customer, my barista still gives me free coffee. i like published errors and tack them up to my wall: "thanks for your patients," "buy laws." i like frying 40(!) egg rolls and cream cheese wontons with joa and freezing them for later. i like going to fancy grocery stores. i like (LOVE) my new ipod... 30 gigs... black... in its knitted sock...
and
oh! won't you? when we're working in the kitchen someday come up behind me and put your arms around my waist and run your lips across the back of my neck and stop with a kiss under my ear right where my jaw begins please?
posted by renee 8:55 AM
Friday, January 20, 2006
you didn't pay any attention when my knees were buckling and sweat was dripping in my eyes and i felt the devil
so why should you pay any now?
posted by renee 11:35 AM
Thursday, January 19, 2006
last night i lay in bed for an hour wishing that the volume of the television and conversation from our livingroom occupants was lower. not wanting to be a bad hostess, i tried a pillow over my head. i tried headphones. i tried muttering. i tried thrashing around in my bed a little so they'd realize i was still awake. then, i decided to suck it up and ask them to be a little quieter. and they said "sure. sorry about that."
and then i fell promptly to sleep.
AND! i simply cannot begin to tell you how incredibly good this nectarine is!
posted by renee 2:25 PM
Wednesday, January 18, 2006
do this:
1. go to the grocery store and get a lemon (or 2!), a 12 oz carton of heavy cream, some imported parmesan (such as bel gioso) and 2 pkgs of fettuccini
2. come home and get a big pot of water boiling on the stove. in the meantime, run the lemon rind over a fine grater until you've accumulated about 2 T of zest in a small bowl. then cut the lemon in half and sqeeze out all the juice (no seeds, please).
3. put 1 1/2 pkg of fettuccini (about 1 lb) in the now boiling water with a little olive oil. while that is cooking, grate 1 c of the parmesan, also very finely.
4. melt 1/4 c of unsalted butter in a small saucepan. when melted, add 1 c of cream (or a little more) and lemon zest/juice. stir sauce and pasta occasionally until pasta is done (al dente) and sauce is well mixed and warmed through.
5. drain water off cooked fettuccini. add sauce and toss. add grated parmesan and toss.
6. GET WONDERFULLY, HAPPILY FATTER. :-)
serving suggestion: try with sauteed asparagus OR salad/rosemary potatoes/evil evil texas toast or homemade garlic bread.
posted by renee 8:17 AM
Tuesday, January 17, 2006
the cursor is blinking at me.
blink blink blink
QUESTION: what do you want? i mean really, what is it that you just WANT?
also: my roommate's brother is staying with us for a week and a half. he's fun. he should stay. since he's been around, there's been much more talking than usual. i love it. plus, there's been more LISTENING, which is nice. (on everyone's part). there's just something about the presence of a 30 year old balding artist woodsman that brings out the best in people. PLUS: he drinks highly caffeinated south american tea out of a buffalo horn....
posted by renee 10:47 AM
Friday, January 13, 2006
i wrote a song yesterday. i like it, but i can't post it. the melodies for everything i've written in the last couple of months are very pop-y (poppy? poppie?)
man, sigur ros is good. touches my soul. and today, i wore my rockstar jeans to work.
in my teens, i responded to my hormonal angst by acting and acting like an actor. in college, i responded to my hormonal angst by getting myself in sticky romantic situations and then painfully extricating myself from them. now i respond to my angst (is it still hormonal?) by simply saying "I HATE EVERYTHING" under my breath every once in awhile. but yesterday, after a very satisfying workout and an enjoyable evening and the realization that i'm doing better in a lot of areas of my life, i said "I LOVE EVERYTHING" out loud to myself.
i can imagine homeownership being a very satisfying part of my not incredibly distant future. however, graduate school and homeownership don't necessarily go together very well.
and: i heart npr. it would be super crazy to be nominated to be a supreme court justice and be interrogated by really smart people from all over the country. especially when you're filling the spot of someone that most people really liked.
and: of all titles not to have gender distinction, "saint" is a suprising one.
posted by renee 9:51 AM
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
abby's advice on the process of deciding what i want to be when i grow up is to try to think about what i do naturally.... i did not have an answer when she last asked me, but here's the list i've come up with since:
take leadership think on my feet write! think about causes and remedies for social problems CARE! type really really fast learn new things quickly keep things organized and seek more efficient ways to keep records/maintain order get along with people sound like i know what i’m talking about… even when sometimes i'm faking
soo..... what career path does that lead me to? and on that path, what is the next step?
posted by renee 4:50 PM
i don't see how i could possibly be expected to work today.
my brain is going "babblebabblebabblebabble." i want to listen to music and read a book and lift weights and make scones and drink coffee and watch a movie and organize my file cabinet and sweep the basement and buy some flowers for myself. but not work. no i do not want to work.
posted by renee 8:41 AM
Monday, January 09, 2006
God puts burrs or thorns in our bed, lest we should fall asleep like the disciples at Gethsemane, rather than watch and pray.
-George Whitefield
God is Good God is Severe (patiently)
posted by renee 12:49 PM
this weekend was more productive than the last two months... i think it's good that we have new seasons frequently. every day's a new day. every week you get to start over. every spring you can feel the earth's new energy motivating you to peel the plastic off the windows and wash the floors. and the beginning of each new year is a chance to try to improve your life in a very satisfying way. so our house is positively sparkling and i bought a big basket for all my art supplies and i like it and i LOVE cooking and eating more than i like anything else... almost: QUESTION - would you rather that the process of eating food did not exist or that relationships where you connect with other humans did not exist? the ultimate conclusion, of course, is that i would choose to go without the pleasure of food before i could give up the pleasure of conversation. however, it would be tremendously sad to make that choice.
also: on saturday night, as i often do, i left my cell phone at a friend's house. i went back on sunday to get it while the friend was not at home. once i had retrieved it with the help of one of his roommates, i called him and asked him where it was. he then described where he had put it in helpful detail, not realizing that i must have found it considering i was talking to him on it at that very moment....
lastly: caleb crandall hicks is delightful.
posted by renee 8:42 AM
Friday, January 06, 2006
my check today was $200 more than usual for no apparent reason and i still have this strange high school compulsion to have something fun to do every friday and saturday night.
those two things have nothing to do with each other, but, in case you haven't noticed, i like to put "and" where "." should be sometimes.
posted by renee 9:56 AM
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
it's good that it's easy to change a 5 into a 6.
AND! i saw a phd candidate in the mirror this morning! SCARY! first: GRE score of 700 or better and waiting...
posted by renee 10:00 AM
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
on my mother being fifty years old:
half a century! what a long time to be alive! and for you: what a lot of work! once, i added it up (the well balanced meals) breakfast, lunch, and dinner times 365 times 22 THOUSANDS... thank you... and cloth diapers! (babies are gross) and twenty five years of marriage on top of that to my dad. half your life building up to the family that has loved you for the rest of it good job! you have, as it were, bloomed you are now deserving of the title: woman and everything it means about giving and loving and building up tolerance for scalding hot dish water and being tough but vulnerable enough to learn still and showing your friends and neighbors and daughter how to love God that much better.
posted by renee 9:26 PM
i'm starting to mix up the names of the people i'm jealous of and use them interchangeably.
there was a time, once, when warmth and hope for its staying power converged in a way that almost bowled me over.
now, there is hope, but it is abstract and cool to the touch.
posted by renee 3:38 PM
Sunday, January 01, 2006
soooo.... this is the post where i talk about how it's a brand new year and how i have much hope about what i will do with it and how i have all these resolutions that i may or may not keep.
i guess that about covers it.
tomorrow i return to my real life.
posted by renee 7:30 PM
