tonight i was quite preachy. i can't help it. imagine that... hundreds of people in my life, half of them wandering aimlessly about trying to figure things out and with so many unanswered questions and I KNOW THE ANSWER! it's really so easy...
my roommate is on the phone and just said "i can hit a deer at a thousand yards and not try." wow. guns are scary.
i'm going to go watch the debates with a large group of people who disagree with me. should be fun.
it's good to feel good about being happy. it's good even to feel good about being unhappy. it's good to ask fewer questions. it's good to dress up for class even if it makes you late. it's good to have clean windows. it's good to live in the moment. it's good to be busy. it's good to eat a star crunch if you're hungry for one. it's good to leave work early.
i so want to be jenny lewis when i grow up. i love concerts. now it's overhead was good. tilly and the wall were wretched as expected. but fun times were had by three sokol loyalists and a sad boy from small town wisconsin. and seriously. jenny lewis is the cutest thing ever. it helps when she's sober...
And she sang
I'm only a woman of flesh and bone And I wept much, we all do I thought I might die alone
But I have never never never Never never never never never never Never never met you So baby be good to me
I got nothing to give you, you see Except everything everything Everything everything
it was an italy sort of day. i've been having a bit of a relapse. i feel the cold tile on my feet in my bathroom here and remember dreading stepping out of bed in the morning and wishing i had slippers. sometimes i find myself searching for my favorite mug so i can make a cup of hot chocolate. and then i realize that my mug is back in my apartment in those retro cupboards i'll never be allowed to open again. and then i remember how my roommates always burned milk when they tried to heat it up on the stove. and then i remember watching fawlty towers with olga and how she smelled belarussian and had a million cures for a million ailments, boiled eggs and garlic in your ears... and then i was biking today and a scent wafted by that for a second made me forget what country i was in. i think i need to go back soon, it's starting to hurt.
last night was great. i love planning events that just make themselves happen. i say "everyone come to our house tomorrow night. bring something to grill and something to share." and they do. i love that someone starts the grills, someone buys paper plates, mike makes brownies and brings his cousin, and shelli from nebraska shows up. and i got to just mingle and celebrate my friends. had a couple of great conversations with people i haven't gotten to sit down with in months. it's so different than real parties. you can just see how much people love each other. people aren't mean, no one has to get drunk to have fun, and no one regrets anything in the morning. it's beautiful. and i wonder what the neighbors think when the entire street is filled with cars, but it's quiet, because we're all laughing and talking and listening to each other, and there's not a stereo or television on anywhere in the house. and even though i was not feeling social, i had fun, felt loved, and went to sleep glad.
sometimes when i'm supposed to be hosting a party, i sneak upstairs and check my email. usually, there's nothing exciting anyway. so then i sit in the dark and think about how much i like the sound of blowing air across the lip of a nearly empty glass bottle. in fact, i think i might adopt the glass bottle as my new instrument. hmm. it's just so lovely and hollow sounding. and either you get exactly the right angle and the perfect note or you miss it and it makes no sound. it's never out of tune. mmm... i don't feel too social.
it's like i woke up one morning and suddenly i'm responsible. i don't know why. i've never been responsible before in my life. i keep being on time for things. i had a meeting this morning with my service learning organization and the facilitator commented that she didn't have things as figured out as me when she was my age. i have things figured out??? i was the first person in my theory class to post my paper online. it was finished at 2 this morning, a full 30 hours before it was actually due. i can't remember EVER finishing and turning in a paper that far ahead of time. and i keep doing that meticulous picking up after myself thing. and doing laundry before i'm out of socks and the bag is overflowing. frankly, i'm creeping myself out. but it's kind of fun... not living in a constant state of panic. making my BED??!?!?!
i think i am finally my age again. i was seventeen for a long time. and now, here i am, twenty-one and feeling like it. comfortable in my own skin. i'm becoming who i want my kids to be someday. and dang it, i'm happy with how i turned out.
so i'm going to stop blogging to work some more on a paper that's not due until friday morning. turning over a new leaf, indeed.
actually, that just got me to thinking. the best way possible to promote that movie would be to send jon heder in full glory to a bunch of college campuses across the country and just have him sit in the library or go to some big lecture classes or wander around the student union.
what if napoleon dynamite was sitting in front of you in bio? what if?
today i saw a tall, lanky boy with big headphones and unfortunate hair walking across campus with a white tee-shirt that said "vote for pedro" on it in red letters.
can i be a Christian and a liberal?
it seems like most people don't think so
but it's the only thing that makes sense to me
several social movement organizers spoke to my class today
i strongly agreed with all but two, with which i strongly disagreed
but it seems like they come in a set
abortion=affordable housing?
i think not
don't get angry for not following party lines
i reserve the right to be an individual
come to dinner with me we'll walk down the main street all dressed up we'll make time for coffee i know the caffine makes you sad but just this once would you do that for me?
cause up in heaven, you're a sho'in if you open up your heart to me to me
let's go driving tonight we'll take al's comet, he'll never know we'll top it out at 95 i know my driving makes you mad but just once, would you do that for me?
cause up in heaven, you're a sho'in if you open up your heart to me to me
this morning i had to force myself to take a shower and wear jeans instead of sweatpants to my first day of classes. funny i used to care about such things. i think they call this senioritis.
i also think this semester will be one of plentiful blogging, considering that i come to my boring job and stare at a computer screen directly after having my mind stimulated all day. i like having my mind stimulated. i guess that makes me a nerd.
also, my throat is clogged with free chipotle, but it didn't come with a drink, thus i have nothing to wash it down with. tragic.
i like to lose myself in british social commentary via the streets.
music is an amazing invention. there's so little logic in how it affects us. but our bodies react to the beat. emotions spring up higher when reinforced with an apt rhyme and a moving melody. our minds can focus in and our other senses line up ignored behind our hearing.
i think we should say "queued up" more often.
and i don't know what skinner means when he says "geezer"
"we first met through a shared view; she loved me and i did too."
-mike skinner
my skin, for once, looks healthy under florescent light
i think that should scare me
and i feel abstract
and i feel invincible
it's been too long since i've sat at a piano
and waxed poetic
or taken a pencil in the afternoon
and waited for inspiration
but i feel so full
and i ask no questions
